Lightspeed Magazine, Issue 64 (September 2015) by Lightspeed Magazine

Author:Lightspeed Magazine [Lightspeed Magazine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Short Stories, Magazine
Publisher: John Joseph Adams
Published: 2015-08-29T00:00:00+00:00

Why They Will Not Have Make-up Sex Until Easter

The beach is beautiful at night. Werewolf lies on a beach towel, gazing up at the full moon. He considers baying. Is this a good time to bay? Is there ever a bad time to bay? Does this beach count as a bay? Is it curvy enough? Mermaid is curvy. Werewolf likes curves. And baying. Maybe he’ll get up and have a good long howl at the moon. But lying here is nice, too. The moon is curvy.

“Oh, crap,” Mermaid says, half submerged in the waves.

“What?” Werewolf says.

“Menstrual drift.”

“What?”

“Menstrual drift. I’ve synched up with the full moon.”

“Oh, crap,” Werewolf says. “Wait, fish menstruate?”

“No, and they don’t lactate, but somehow you never question the boobs.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Can you just, I don’t know, hold it in for a few days?”

“Oh, well, gosh Mr. Hairy Howling Metamorphosizing Dog Boy, can you just hold it in?”

“So you can’t hold it in.”

“I need Advil. And rum. Rum with Advil floating in it.”

• • • •

Mermaid is in bed. It is a waterbed so it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Werewolf feels slightly ’70s sleeping in a waterbed. He wonders if shaving off his sideburns would help.

“Well?” says Mermaid.

“I thought you said we were in synch,” says Werewolf.

“I’m almost done.”

“Almost.”

“Yes.”

“But not done.”

“I can’t believe you’re being squeamish about this,” Mermaid says. “You eat people! I’ve seen you go to town on a guy’s carotid artery. It was spurting all over the place.”

“That’s different,” Werewolf says. “That’s not, you know . . .”

“Gross? This from a man who licks his own balls.”

“Um . . . yeah,” says Werewolf. “I think I might go do that.”

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