Life Begins at 60 by Frieda Birnbaum

Author:Frieda Birnbaum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2016-04-10T04:00:00+00:00

10

Find New Words for Old Age

AS I COMPILED RESEARCH AND EXPLORED MY OWN thoughts on marriage and happiness, I couldn’t help noticing how age played a major role in this area. Women are constantly pigeonholed by their age, or at least perceive that they are. (And these insights confirm my belief that having children later in life can be the right move for some.)

As middle age gets extended and old age shortens, and as more and more reproductive options come to light, there will likely be many more “grannymoms” in years to come. The message we project shapes the message we get back. Age is in the mind. Feeling young can happen at any age. Not only can we live longer, but we can live healthier, too. What we do with those extra years is up to us.

Among the older women I counsel, even the word “grandmother” feels wrong. They want to be called “baba” or something else, as they imagine a “grandmother” is someone who sits at home in a rocking chair, knitting. They are hungry for a vocabulary that describes them as what they are: vital, strong people who are capable of starting new things. Rightly, they feel that now is their peak time; they have the whole package. They are feeling passion that they never had before, are experiencing depth of feeling they never thought possible, and are making big changes. The word “grandmother,” on the other hand, makes them feel disempowered.

Many of these women are in a better place than ever before because their family and childcare responsibilities have lessened. Often, I see that when couples age together, relationships are reversed: the woman feels more empowered, as the man takes a step or two back.

My clients are seeking a new vocabulary to describe their stage in life largely because they want to express a changing reality: after forty, fifty, sixty, and seventy, one does not have to decline. In fact, what used to be thought of as old age is now arguably our peak years.

PEAK YEARS

When I was a bride and then a young mother, I was supposed to be happy to be linked to such an ambitious man. But something bothered me about that, even though I didn’t quite know what it was.

Now, I know what that look on my face was all about. I wanted to have my own identity. I couldn’t stomach the idea of being dependent on my husband; intrinsically, it just felt very wrong. But society told me otherwise. I had to be militant or be a homemaker. That was the only choice. But I listened to my own inner voice, and I did both, but with much struggle. As a young mom, I remember how critically other mothers would in my apartment building would look at me, knowing that I was going to school while they were wheeling their toddlers around town all day. What might be considered common today, my ambitious nature, was uncommon then. No one asked why my husband was not helping out; responsibility for the children was mine alone, or so I thought.

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