Life and Love in Nazi Prague by Marie Bader;Kate Ottevanger;Jan Lncek;

Author:Marie Bader;Kate Ottevanger;Jan Lncek;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury UK

Karlín, 1/11/1941

My dear Ernst

Will I manage to make my dreadful handwriting legible for Herr Censor and for you?39 I very much fear I won’t. Today there is a rumour of a two-week halt [in deportations]. I hope it isn’t just a rumour. Numbers 127 and 128 from Anna did not arrive. I am worried about those good people. I am not happy with their silence. It is Saturday evening, I am alone again, but not really because in my thoughts I am living completely intertwined with you. I have been so disappointed in everyone just now, so from now on I am going to be thoroughly selfish. I haven’t been so up to now, but I am going to change utterly, you will see. There are reasons why I did not arrange for the proxy marriage as intended, my good one. You will find out why in good time.

There is, of course, no sign from the friends and Eman. My brother-in-law no longer collects stamps;40 it’s a pity he hasn’t this pleasant distraction any more as it gave him a lot of enjoyment, just as typing did for me.

Can’t you get our German newspaper, Der Neue Tag, there? You should read it every day, then you would be much better informed; try it. My bridge games have stopped too, because one can’t keep one’s mind on it, can you understand that? When I was taking your letter to the post the day before yesterday I happened to meet the family of Director Brod as they were walking to the assembly point.41 Gallus, his wife and daughter and many other people from our home area left a long time ago.

How are you for provisions now? Is Hella having a very hard time getting hold of everything for you all? Or are you men also giving a hand in the house? That is mostly what is happening now, that the men are helping.

Monday, 3/11.

I waited for your little letter of 29/10 and was very glad that the misunderstanding has been cleared up. I wish to follow all your suggestions but unfortunately I have seen, my beloved, that you picture things quite differently and wish for things which are unthinkable. I am not reproaching you for that but I have one request to make of you: please, please, treasure, don’t think that I don’t want, when I can’t. And please remember that I must be careful above all to obey the regulations to the letter. I would go today, without anything but the clothes I am wearing, if I only could. Ruthlessly I would leave behind my mother, my sister and all I possess if I could only finally rest in your arms free from all the worries that oppress me. You have always believed me, continue to do so. I can’t tell you more today.

Your photo, lit up by the midday sun, is smiling at me. I take your head in my hands and kiss you with deepest love and say farewell, keep well, stay confident, as I am.

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