Just As I Am by E. Lynn Harris

Author:E. Lynn Harris [Harris, E. Lynn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-83173-6
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2012-11-28T05:00:00+00:00

Jared, who was now a deputy director for the Clinton for President campaign in Georgia, gave me a ride to the airport and assured me everything was going to be just fine. I gave him keys to my condo, car, and mailbox and he promised to look in on things every other day while I was away. He was really excited at the news of Gilliam’s offer and said, “When you get back we’ll celebrate Kyle’s good health and your new station in life.”

“You think Kyle is going to be all right?”

“Of course, he will be all right and if there are problems, we’ll deal with them.”

I was relieved I was leaving for New York with Jared solidly in my corner. It really didn’t matter to me anymore that he was heterosexual because I felt now we would have a much stronger relationship—purely platonic, but stronger. I’d always thought most straight men believed every gay man wanted to go to bed with them after a confession. I didn’t get the feeling Jared felt that way at all. In fact he seemed even more at ease, but it was still just less than twenty-four hours. I knew Jared still had lingering questions about my sexuality. That morning before we left for work, I asked Jared if there was anything he wanted to know. At first he said, “No,” but then he blurted out, “Ray, you don’t let them …” He paused.

“Let them what?” I asked.

“You know,” Jared said as he moved his index finger in and out of a circle he formed with his free hand.

“What are you asking me? Do I let them poke me?”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to answer that,” he responded shyly.

“Does it matter?”

“No!”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

I will never understand the curiosity straight folks have with who is doing who.

During the ride to the airport I told Jared what had happened between Nicole and myself and about the confession at the hospital. I wondered out loud why it took tragedy to get me to tell the truth to people I loved.

Just as Jared was getting ready to drop me off at the airport, he took his huge hands and gave me a powerful slap on my thighs. “Now don’t worry, buddy. I’m only a phone call away if you or Kyle need anything. Stay strong,” Jared said in a low, reassuring voice.

“I know, buddy. I know,” I repeated as I grabbed my garment bag from the backseat and headed toward the terminal gate. Before I entered the automatic doors I looked back and saw Jared waving, his killer smile in full effect.

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