Isn't That Rich? by Richard Kirshenbaum

Author:Richard Kirshenbaum
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Road Media
Published: 2015-03-31T21:32:24+00:00

13. LET THEM EAT KALE

Extreme Dieters Ruining Dinner Parties for Everyone Else

“HOW CAN ANYONE THROW a dinner party today?”

A noted hostess bewailed the current state of culinary affairs in the drawing room of her regal Park Avenue duplex, in one of the grandest of grand co-op buildings. It was ever so expansive yet artfully understated, with parquet de Versailles floors dutifully waxed into the kind of dull patina old money truly understands.

We were having late-afternoon cocktails as the sun dimmed through the sheers, and she waxed poetically about the dire straits of entertaining today’s power couples versus the glorious dinner parties of yore.

“Let’s say you have six couples for an intimate dinner,” she said. “Nowadays, this one has a nut or shellfish allergy. This one is now a vegan. The wife is a vegetarian but eats cheese. The other couple eats no dairy. The new thing I hear is this Paleo craze, where people want to eat like a caveman. Someone’s assistant even called my chef to inquire as to whether it was sockeye or farm-raised salmon.” She harrumphed. “Can you imagine? It’s gotten to the point where I should just put out a stack of take-out menus.”

“So what do you serve?” I ask.

“I once tried tofu, but women don’t like it because of the estrogen. Julio (not the chef’s real name) does a roasted, Italian-style vegetable dish drizzled with balsamico and olive oil. People adore that.”

I took in the creamy yellow walls, perfectly adorned with Scalamandre silks and satins in shades of egg yolk and freshly whipped French butter. “What would you like to serve if you could?”

“If I had my way, I would do what [legendary socialite known for her stick-thin figure] used to do in the ’80s,” she said. “I would just serve designer meat loaf and mashed potatoes. Everyone just loved it.”

“So why not now?”

“I tried it once, and no one touched a thing except for [a former leading politician] who had two portions. Sadly, those days are long over.” She sighed. “No more crusty French bread, seafood soufflés, lamb chops with mint jelly, or filet mignon with a dollop of butter.”

I asked her if she thought people were missing out.

“Of course I do. No one’s glowing or juicy anymore. Just take a look though at their skin,” she whispered. “They’re all sandpaper. They all look like prisoners on furlough—every last one of them.”

The old adage “you can never be too rich or too thin” has had a renaissance on Madison and Park. Competitive and restrictive eating and exercise regimens have transformed power players into Power Rangers. Cross-training, spinning, boxing, yoga, and martial arts are the tools of the trade along with nuts, seeds, berries, and juices. Fat is considered a weakness.

“People I know are vaporizing right before my eyes,” Second Wife whispered over a belated holiday meal at her home, twinkling above the UES skyline. I often refer to her as my second wife as she is one of Dana’s and my closest friends, but thankfully, her husband gets the Amex bills, not me.

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