I Do, I Don't by Joy Argento

Author:Joy Argento [Argento, Joy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books
Published: 2023-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Ten

Nicole set her beach chair next to Lisa’s, sat down, and dug her toes into the sand. Warm on the top, but cool underneath. That must be a metaphor for something, but at that moment, Nicole wasn’t sure for what. She looked out at the lake, deep blue and mostly calm with an occasional random wave crashing on the shore. She tugged at the hem of her shorts, adjusting them. Wasting time. Delaying the conversation she knew was inevitable. Sandy had followed them to the beach but was off in search of a bathroom. So, it was now or never.

“Can we talk?” Nicole asked Lisa.

“Sure. We should be able to talk about anything. What’s on your mind?”

Nicole watched the foam at the water’s edge swell up, only to get dragged back into the lake and disappear again. She had rehearsed this conversation repeatedly in her mind over the last several days but wasn’t sure how to start now that the moment of truth was upon her. The moment of truth. It was all about the truth wasn’t it. Not that there had been total truth in their relationship.

“Nicole?” Lisa took her hand. “Everything okay?”

Nicole pulled her attention from the lake and her thoughts and looked at Lisa. “That depends on how you are going to take what I’m about to say.”

“Oookaaay,” Lisa said, stretching the word out.

“We have just about a month left to go before we have to decide whether to stay together or not.”

“Yes.”

“We’ve had three months together. I have enjoyed spending time with you.”

“Me too.”

“But, Lisa, I’m just not feeling the things I’m supposed to be feeling.”

Lisa took several long beats to answer. “I don’t think there are feelings you are supposed to have. You either have them or you don’t. You can’t force them.”

“I don’t think they’re going to change in the next month. How are you feeling about this? About me?” Nicole was almost afraid to hear the answer. She didn’t want Lisa to be hurt because of her.

“I like you a lot. Given more time I might fall in love with you. But right now, I’m not. And I won’t let myself if you aren’t in this completely.”

“Lisa, I’ve tried to be in it completely. To get where I need to be to make this last.”

“And that’s all I could ever ask of you. You can’t do more than that. I don’t want you to pretend to feel things you don’t.”

“Where do we go from here? Do we keep pretending for the cameras?”

“Is that what you’ve been doing? Pretending?”

Nicole thought about it for a few seconds. Yes, there was some pretending. But pretending under the guise of fake it till you make it. “What I was doing was trying. Trying to make it work. Trying to get the feelings going.”

Lisa squeezed Nicole’s hand. “I appreciate that you tried.”

Nicole shook her head. “What the hell is wrong with me? You are so perfect. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”

Lisa laughed. “I am far from perfect.

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