Hungry by Robin L. Smith Dr

Author:Robin L. Smith, Dr.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2012-08-23T16:00:00+00:00

Ask yourself:

Where have you been a mortician—or known a mortician?

Were you raised by one?

Did it always seem to you that everything would be okay as long as you made it look okay—that even the dead would come alive if you applied the right makeup?

WHO WILL WANT THE REAL ME?

Should we settle for the crumbs instead of insisting on being invited to the feast?

Rachel was practiced at settling because she had never believed she was lovable. Although this beautiful woman glowed with personality and good health, she thought she was ugly. “I was fat as a kid and although I slimmed down quite a bit, I still have a lot of cellulite,” she told me in a soft voice. “I don’t have good muscle tone, so everything is flabby.” She thought her body might have been the reason why her fiancé, Francis, broke up with her. “Maybe he wanted someone with a better body. He never said that, it’s just what I suspect. He never seemed to want me. Actually, my gut tells me he was ashamed of my body and of me.”

I wondered, was Rachel projecting her own low self-worth on Francis? Further probing revealed that she was carrying around a heavy burden of self-loathing, which she thought was confirmed by her history of failed romances. “The men I’ve loved have always dumped me,” she said bluntly, “and when Francis asked me to marry him I said yes because I was 28 years old and I wondered if I’d ever have another chance to get married.” She admitted that she didn’t love Francis, but was willing to settle. “Who will ever want me?” she said in despair.

Fear of rejection was so deeply embedded in Rachel’s psyche that she couldn’t even imagine getting what she wanted without pretending and settling. She had learned not to expect approval, and she felt so desperate that she would probably have accepted a proposal from anyone, just to get to the altar.

“What do you really want?” I asked Rachel.

“I want to be married and to have a family,” she replied without hesitation.

“Even if it’s marriage to a man you don’t love?” I asked. “You told me you didn’t really love Francis, and yet you were ready to marry him. That wasn’t being fair to you, and it wasn’t being fair to Francis, either.”

Rachel cried because she had never thought of it before—never believed that she had a right to be secure, to live in dignity, to be loved for herself. She also had minimized the pain and trauma of the wound of not being good enough. If she had married Francis, the wound would have grown deeper. She would never have felt good enough, and the erosion would have continued. It also never occurred to her that her acting out of her “not good enough” wound could cause harm, heartache, and frustration to Francis and that his wound of feeling overly responsible and blamed when people aren’t happy could be activated.

My friend Sophia’s deep insecurity makes her hypervigilant.

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