How to Stop Destroying Your Relationships by Albert Ellis

Author:Albert Ellis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 2016-09-07T16:00:00+00:00

Exercise 5B

Sample Exercise 5C: Tasks That I Can Make Myself Uncomfortably Do to Reduce My Frustration Intolerance (FI)

Tasks That I Can Make Myself Uncomfortably Do to Reduce My Frustration Intolerance (FI) Rational Coping Self-Statements I Can Use to Help Myself Do These Uncomfortable Tasks

Speak up when I am afraid to be criticized by my partner or others. If I don’t force myself to speak up, I will increase my fear of doing so. I will train myself to speak up less and may sabotage our open and honest relationship.

Go for a date with a potential partner who I feel will reject me. I have less to lose by being rejected than by not going at all. I can learn by going on the date even if it turns out badly. Rejection doesn’t make me bad.

Take a trip to a foreign country alone. It won’t kill me to be alone. I can learn to be more self-sufficient. If I get into any difficulty it will only be inconvenient, hardly the end of the world.

Exercise regularly, though I hate to do so. It will give me good health benefits. The pain of the exercise will be brief—the pain of not doing it may last forever!

Eat much less delicious food than I prefer to eat. The pleasure of eating will be brief—but the pain of overeating may be long! I will enjoy the fact that I am so disciplined! I will set a good example for my partner.

Stay with a partner who is often nasty and critical when leaving this partner would be inconvenient. I cannot enjoy my partner’s nastiness but can enjoy not taking it too seriously. I can stay, without getting upset, until it is much less inconvenient to leave.

Shut my big mouth when tempted to tell my partner off. The pleasure of telling my partner off isn’t worth the pain that will almost certainly follow my doing so. I can do myself a lot of good by shutting my mouth, staying for the present, and refusing to upset myself about my partner’s actions.

Force myself to help my partner when I think that s/he is demanding that I do a foolish act. The help I give my partner won’t take too long while his/her displeasure and anger if I don’t give it may last forever! I can actually enjoy the pleasure of satisfying my partner even though I don’t like this way of satisfying him/ her.

Agree to go along with my partner’s foolish expenditures when we could use the money to much better advantage. Even though I agree to spend foolishly with my partner, I can improve our relationship. Perhaps I can show him/her later how foolish our expenditures were. Even when we spend money on foolish things, I can often manage to enjoy these things.

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