How to Do Everything: (From the Man Who Should Know: Red Green) by Red Green

Author:Red Green
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Repairing, Humor, Form, Canadian Wit and Humor, General, Maintenance and Repair, Life Skills, Do-It-Yourself Work, Essays, Dwellings, Self-Help Techniques
ISBN: 9780385667746
Publisher: Random House Digital, Inc.
Published: 2010-10-12T05:00:00+00:00

HOW TO SAVE MONEY ON AUTO BODY WORK

Recycle, reuse, renew, relax. That’s how to save money in today’s difficult economic times. And it even applies to doing auto body repairs. Maybe you’ve finally hit one too many fire hydrants or have ignored one too many speed bumps. Or maybe the road salt has finally eaten its way through your paint job, even though the paint is floor enamel and you put it on with a roller. Well, instead of going to an expensive body shop and making the vehicle look way better than it runs, why not use a little elbow grease and imagination to do those repairs right in your own garage?

First of all, examine the damage and put it into one of the following categories:

Dents. The word dent is short for “indentation.” Dents go in. There’s no metal missing, it’s just that something that’s supposed to be smooth and contiguous is now rough and not contiguous. The simplest solution is a toilet plunger. Coat the lip of the plunger with Vaseline, but don’t let any of the neighbours see you doing that. Rumours are hurtful and spread quickly, particularly if Vaseline is involved. Once coated, apply the plunger to the middle of the dent, press in with all your might, then slowly pull the plunger out. Chances are the dent will pop right out. This brings us to the most important step: REMOVE THE PLUNGER. Driving around with a plunger sticking out the side of your vehicle gets the rumours going again and is just plain dangerous to hitchhikers.

Scratches. A scratch is an area where paint is missing. If you study a scratch through a microscope, you’ll see it looks like your uncle’s appendicitis scar. Something is missing, and you must replace the missing material to bring the car back to normal. If it’s a really, really thin scratch that is only as deep as the final coat of paint, you can probably just paint over it with a small bottle of colour-matched auto paint and a tiny brush made from your own nose hairs. If the scratch is deep enough to go through all the layers of paint and undercoating and even into the metal, you need to fill that crevice up with chewing gum or cheese or overcooked pasta. Then, once it dries, you can paint it using the aforementioned nose-hair brush.

Holes. Holes represent pieces of metal that have gone missing because they rusted out or were punctured with sharp objects or were bludgeoned with a blunt instrument. The problem here is that you have to find a material that can bridge the gap. Depending on the size of the chasm, you could use pieces of newspaper soaked in varnish, or a pair of work socks dipped in epoxy, or even a section of screen. Once you’ve filled the hole—or holes—apply a coat or two of house plaster over the top, although this is not recommended if your roads have a lot of potholes. Plaster was never intended to withstand the jarring impact of an automobile going through a pothole at speed.

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