How to Be a Boss B*tch by Christine Quinn & Rachel Holtzman

Author:Christine Quinn & Rachel Holtzman [Quinn, Christine & Holtzman, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781647006358
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2022-05-17T00:00:00+00:00

RULE #3: BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU (EVENTUALLY) WANT

By the time I met my now-husband, Christian, I was twenty-nine and I’d been in a lot of relationships and on what felt like hundreds of dates. I was ready to settle down—or at least my version of it. By this point, I knew that the only way to stop dicking around was to be as up front as possible about my wants and needs. So on my very first date with Christian, we had The Talk about what we each wanted for the future. I knew it was ballsy, but I had zero interest in waiting around for six months while we ultimately came to the conclusion that this was going nowhere. I said to him, “Here’s what I’m looking for in a relationship: I’m looking for something serious, and I eventually want to get married and have kids. If you don’t want these things, then I’m not here to waste your time—and I definitely don’t want you to waste mine.” I made it clear that I didn’t assume that was going to happen with him in particular—I mean, come on, it was our first date—but those were my goals, full stop, no take-backs.

I know what you’re thinking: That’s like a major violation of The Rules, or some other nonsensical bullshit that we’ve all had poured down our throats along with our lemon drop shots. But think about where being afraid to ask the hard questions has gotten you? How many relationships have wasted your valuable time because you didn’t pussy up and be clear about what you wanted and needed? Or let me guess, waited around because you thought maybe you could eventually want what he wants? Gag. For me, I realized that I had spent way too much of my young adult life not wanting to let my wants and needs be known because I was worried I’d scare my boyfriends away. And you know where that got me? Absofuckinglutely nowhere. Instead, I realized that one of the most valuable things we have in the whole entire world is time—it’s the only currency we have on this earth. So I wasn’t about to waste that on some dude who wasn’t on the same page as me. From the moment I came to terms with that, I would always ask straight-up on the first date: Do you want what I want? Did plenty of guys not call me back? Yeah. But were they the right people for me? No. It doesn’t have to be a 60 Minutes interview—you don’t have to grill them—but you should gauge their interest and make sure you’re speaking the same language when it comes to the direction that your relationship is heading.

Lucky for me—and a big fat duh considering we’re happily married and have a beautiful baby together—Christian didn’t even bat an eye at my forwardness. He confirmed that he was looking for the same things that I was, and he was true to his word.

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