How Do I Tax Thee? by Kristin Tate

How Do I Tax Thee? by Kristin Tate

Author:Kristin Tate
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press
Published: 2018-01-15T05:00:00+00:00


Eleven

Pets

The Hidden Cost of Unconditional Love

The art of taxation consists of plucking the goose so as to obtain the most feathers with the least hissing.

—Jean-Baptiste Colbert

Jimmy was my first love. He was always there for me—when I was sick, he’d never leave my side, and if I didn’t like my food I could always count on him to finish it. He was always a comfort when I was sad, and he never failed to shower me with love at the end of a long day at work.

Jimmy was . . . wait for it . . . a dog! I know; you’re stunned. He was a scruffy little mutt with floppy ears who was rescued outside a Whataburger dumpster in downtown Houston. His farts were powerful enough to knock a vulture off a meat wagon. Nonetheless, he was my little gaseous monster and he brought me so much joy. It’s true what they say—owning a pet lowers blood pressure, eases depression, and calms anxiety. And the love and gratitude we feel for man’s best friend (and whatever cats are) contributes to a “whatever they need!” mentality when it comes to spending money on our pets.

And that’s exactly what the government exploits to bring in more tax revenue. (Cue record scratch.)

I know; I ruin everything good. Even Rover isn’t safe! But hey—I’m just the messenger.

There’s an ever-growing list of methods bureaucrats use to make money off of your decision to share your home with a wild beast. Some of these are well-intentioned initiatives driven by a “commonsense” approach to ensure pet safety—like the small-town Barney Fife–esque dog warden, who has a legit role in reducing feral populations or preventing rabies. Often, such a position is done without pay or fanfare.

But you know it doesn’t stop there. City, state, and federal pet regulations (all in the name of “safety,” of course) drive up the cost and hassle of owning your furry best friend.



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