How Best to Avoid Dying by Owen Egerton

Author:Owen Egerton
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781619023642
Publisher: Soft Skull Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

“It’s natural,” Stanley said a few minutes later, kneeling in a bathrobe before his wife. She sat on the couch, her face in her hands.

“It is not natural,” she looked up. Her eyes were red and teary. “You’re married.”

Stanley dropped his head.

“I need some coffee,” his wife said, standing from the couch.

“Aren’t you going to be late for work?”

“Work? Fat chance. I can’t go to work in this state, with the image of you defiling our bed in my mind.”

Paula was a lawyer with the firm Chills and Grey. She loved it. She adored the cool, clean halls, the hardwood floors of her office, the windows with their six story view, her large oak desk where Melissa, her office assistant, would place coffee or a Red Bull while Paula spoke on the phone, laughing at jokes only lawyers would understand.

“So I told him, he might as well file for a 438 as hope for an opposition being granted.” And they laughed.

But it was always a somber laughter, the laughter of the trenches. She knew the intimacy of battle, the rush of the fight, the rich smell of others in fear. And beside her, like a squire, was her office assistant Melissa. Always there to supply a file or a fax, a Red Bull or an encouraging grin.

Today was casual Friday at Chills and Grey. The employees could wear whatever weekend-esque clothes they desired. Melissa looked best in her casual attire. Sometimes she even wore shorts. Long legs. There was something intriguing about Melissa’s thighs. It was those thighs that had encouraged Paula to take on the Hot Springs Low Carbohydrates Diet. Soon, she imagined, her thighs would be as slender as her trusty squire’s. Sometimes she wished she could look a little closer at those thighs, in an academic sense.

“I can only say sorry so many times, Paula,” Stanley said, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“I want you to promise that you will never do that again.” She was watching the coffee drip drip drip.

“Never?” He said. She spun around.

“Yes, Stanley, never,” she said. “Is that too much to ask?”

In truth it was, but Stanley just shook his head. Baxtor grunted.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Stanley said. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“No funny stuff.”

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