Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story by David Levithan

Author:David Levithan [Levithan, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Young Readers Group
Published: 2015-03-17T04:00:00+00:00

ACT II, SCENE 3

Lynda the babysitter enters, followed by The Ghost of Oscar Wilde.

TINY:

What are you doing here? Haven’t you gone off to Oberlin by now? And who is that with you?

LYNDA:

This is more of a thematic interruption than a realistic one. And this is Oscar Wilde.

TINY:

What is Oscar Wilde doing here?

LYNDA:

He’s proof that you can be a genius artist and still be a fool for love.

TINY:

I don’t think I’m ready for that lesson yet.

Lynda dismisses The Ghost of Oscar Wilde from the stage. He goes without saying a word.

LYNDA:

You need to learn to put things in perspective.

TINY:

You say that, and all I hear is, “You need to stop being so crazy, Tiny Cooper.”

LYNDA:

That’s not what I said.

TINY:

But it’s what I heard! And I’m not crazy. The issues with my ex-boyfriends aren’t all my issues. They have issues, too.

LYNDA:

I know.

TINY (as if she didn’t just agree with him):

Don’t believe me? Send out exes #3, #12, and #16. They all broke up with me for basically the same reason.

LYNDA:

And what was that?

TINY:

My size.

EXES #3, #12, AND #16 come out singing their lines from the parade. They seem disjointed out of the context of the song, like Cinderella and the others singing through the forest in the second act of Into the Woods.

EX-BOYFRIEND #3:

You’re so massive.

EX-BOYFRIEND #12:

I can’t conquer my doubt.

EX-BOYFRIEND #16:

I’m worried that you’ll break my bed.

EX-BOYFRIEND #3:

Just look at your size!

EX-BOYFRIEND #12:

I need someone with a nicer butt.

EX-BOYFRIEND #16:

I don’t mind if you want to delete me.

The audience should feel uncomfortable here, because these are not comfortable things that the ex-boyfriends are saying.

Tiny stops addressing Lynda, who goes offstage as Tiny talks to the audience.

TINY:

You might ask: “Didn’t they know what they were getting into from the start? It’s not like you suddenly grew to be this size overnight!” To which I say: True. And I’m sure there were some people who were frightened away before they ever got to know me. Ex #3 was someone I met at the mall—we didn’t really date. I just made sure to get invited to a party he was going to be at, and when I made my move, he called me massive and said, “Just look at your size,” and that was the end of that. He counts as an ex because he made me feel dumped even without making me feel loved first.

Ex #12, Curtis, was different—I think he kept seeing me as his friends saw me, and wasn’t strong enough to tell them to shut up. When it was just the two of us, when we could block out the world, it was fine. But no relationship should rely on you blocking out the world. The world will always get in. And if the world is going to make you self-conscious about dating a big-boned boy, that big-boned boy is going to notice.

As for Ex #16, Royce—he flirted with everyone. But if you ever liked him back, forget it. Some boys—not many, but a few—are like that, getting their own strength from finding your weakness and poking it.

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