Have Him at Hello by Rachel Greenwald

Author:Rachel Greenwald [Greenwald, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-72063-4
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2010-04-04T04:00:00+00:00

CYNICISM

The cynical comments I heard sometimes resembled complaints, but they usually centered around broad negative statements about men. Of course it’s easy to understand how women become jaded about men in the first place. If a guy lost interest after getting you into bed, it’s natural to think men only want one thing. If your serious relationship ended in disappointment, it’s natural to be skeptical about mankind’s ability to make a long-term commitment. But that cynicism is, naturally, a turnoff for the next guy, who may or may not deserve it.

Garrett, a twenty-nine-year-old video editor from Scottsdale, AZ, remembered a woman he met through a friend. She made remarks during their first date such as, “Guys are just looking for sex,” and “All men want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV sports.” He said in hindsight he should have known she was a cynical person because, before they met, his friend had shown him a photo of her on his MySpace page. In the photo (taken at a party hosted by his friend), she had posed with a beer bottle in one fist and a handmade sign in the other fist that proclaimed, “This should make me attractive to men.”

I heard another anecdote about cynicism from a twenty-five-year-old retail store manager in Spartanburg, SC, named Shane. He said his date, Carol, was so unbelievably pretty that he was willing “to put up with a lot of stuff from her.” But by the end of the date the luster had worn off. She was just too negative. Shane’s gripe was that Carol prejudged him, saying, “You’re probably the type of guy who wastes his paycheck on cocaine every week,” and “You’re probably the type of guy who’s not into monogamy.” He wondered why she accepted his date invitation in the first place if she thought so little of him. He never asked her, he just didn’t call her back.

One afternoon near my home in Denver, CO, I had a lively interview with my daughter’s soccer coach, a thirty-six-year-old divorced dad nicknamed Coach T. He said he has a lot of respect for women, especially because he was raised by a single mom and he’s now raising a daughter himself. He knows that it’s important to give women compliments and make them feel appreciated. Coach T recalled an example from a date with one woman who showed up looking fantastic. He smiled at her and said, “Wow, you look great.” Her brisk reply was, “You probably say that to everyone.” He remarked to me, “I get labeled insincere if I compliment a woman and insensitive if I don’t.” He asked his date later at the restaurant if she wanted another drink, and she said, “Oh, right, you’re just trying to get in my pants!” Coach T concluded, “I couldn’t win. Women are so jaded now they don’t even recognize a good guy when he shows up.”

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