Happiness Is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual by Prager Dennis

Author:Prager, Dennis [Prager, Dennis]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2009-10-13T04:00:00+00:00

What to Do

There are ways of ameliorating this problem. First, men and women must acknowledge that the sexes have different natures and different areas of insatiability.

We begin this process by understanding our own sex. The moment we can recognize that our male or female nature has elements of insatiability, we are in a much better position to deal with the frustration involved in not satisfying our drive. The greatest frustrations in life take place when we believe that something unattainable can be attained. Thus a presidential candidate who fails to become president is frustrated, but most of us are not frustrated at not becoming president, because we do not consider the presidency attainable.

If a man thinks that sexual contentment is attainable (e.g., by sleeping with yet another partner), he is setting himself up for immense frustration and unhappiness. His powerful drive is fooling him, and he needs to use his mind to counteract his nature.

Let us suppose that he does manage to sleep with a new woman. What happens the next day, week, or month? He is back where he was the day before he had his affair—lusting for someone new (except that he now has potentially disastrous marital and other problems). For most men, to attain ongoing sexual contentment would involve a king’s lifestyle of an endless supply of attractive women. And even then, sexual contentment is not guaranteed, since all thrills diminish in time.

This realization is also one of the most effective arguments against a man having an extramarital affair. If man’s sexual nature were such that a new partner once a year, let us say, actually gave him a year’s worth of sexual peace, an argument for an extramarital affair on purely sexual (i.e., nonmoral) grounds could be made. But a sexual affair doesn’t quell a man’s urge for variety for anything approaching a year. Shortly after his affair, he is back to sexual square one.

None of this argues against the importance of a good sex life for a husband (or a wife). That a man’s sexual urge for variety cannot be fully satisfied does not mean that there are not better and worse sex lives. Although sexual relations constitute a tiny fraction of a marriage in terms of time, it is a tiny fraction that can make or break the rest of the marriage. A good (good, not fully satisfying) sex life is therefore important to a good marriage.

But the man must know that even in the best circumstances—frequent and satisfying sexual relations with a partner whom he loves—he will still walk around (especially in contemporary Western societies, with their sexual bombardments) with sexual frustration. He must continually remind himself of the insatiability of his sexual nature and (when possible) come to appreciate the sex life that he does have.

At the same time, the woman must continually grapple with the fact that she can never fully satisfy her emotional nature. Even in the best of circumstances—marriage to a loving husband who is intimate and communicates well—she will still have her frustrations.

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