Grim by Christine Johnson

Author:Christine Johnson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harlequin
Published: 2013-08-25T04:00:00+00:00

UNTETHERED

by Sonia Gensler

Grief hangs heavy on my bones, at times nearly suffocating me. My world has turned shadowy and muted, and the strongest emotion I can muster is confusion. There’s anger, as well, but it lurks under the surface, too smothered by weariness to ignite.

Ben’s patience must be wearing thin, but I don’t know how not to be this way.

“How’s your mom?” he asks.

“The same.”

“Still sticking to her room?”

“Yeah.” I nestle further into the crook of his arm. His finger traces my eyebrow and cheek. These days Ben is my only comfort, but even he can’t fill the void entirely.

“I saw her again,” I whisper.

He doesn’t ask whom. Instead, he lifts my chin, turning my face so our eyes meet. “And?”

“She came just before midnight, like before. Walked past our bedroom, almost in slow motion.” I have to swallow because the words are thick in my throat. “She was so pale and beautiful, it made me ache.”

He nods. “You miss her.”

“Miss her? It’s more than that.”

“I know, Claire.”

But he can’t know. Not really.

I don’t tell him my plan. As much as he claims otherwise, Ben doesn’t understand my need for my sister. He only remembers our shouting and door slamming. The chill of our punishing silence. Can I expect him to forget how I groused about Julia changing the way she dressed, the books she read, for her drama-geek boyfriend? Or how her narrowed eyes burned a hole of resentment straight through Ben every time they were in the same room?

Ben saw her as my enemy. Our enemy.

And I encouraged it.

But I’ve let go of all that. My brain may be murky and muffled, but the loss of her has brought certain things into sharp focus. We shared the same womb. Later it was the same crib, clasping fingers and toes as we slept. When our drooling mouths first formed words, we spoke our own language. The two of us made a world of our own, leaving others—even our own mother—feeling like intruders.

Shadows fall as I ponder this, and the bedroom turns dark and still.

“Mom’s gonna be home soon,” I say. “She never liked you being here.”

“Let’s go, then.”

I shake my head. “I need to stay near, just in case.”

“From what you’ve told me, she won’t even notice.”

“I have to stay. But I’ll see you later, right?”

He frowns. “Claire....”

I pinch him. “Stop worrying. Kiss me instead.”

He sighs sadly before his lips meet mine.

I kiss back, trying to melt into him like I did before. His body is a comfort to me, but also dangerous in a way I once found exciting. I still do, but in the back of my mind there’s that vision of Julia, pale and fragile. Walking the hallway over and over. She’s lost, unanchored, and somehow I must ground her. But how do I bridge the divide between us?

* * *

Mom seems more mechanical than human, her face blank as she makes her slow, jerky way through each day. I’ve given up trying to talk to her.

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