Going Om by Melissa Carroll

Author:Melissa Carroll [Carroll, Melissa; Strayed, Cheryl]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781936740987
Publisher: Cleis Press Start

Perhaps my mother’s Alzheimer’s-induced psychic despair is only an exaggerated expression of normal human angst. Is there a cure for existential grief? Slow down long enough to think about our deepest fears and there lies the human condition. Aren’t we all lost, alone, unconvinced of our true purpose? There is no clear path to relief. Where should we be? Where should we be going? Does any of us know, really?

I’ve been lost. One time I went for a walk at a wooded writer’s colony and couldn’t find my way back. I listened for the sound of traffic on a far-away country road, but when I located the source it was actually a stream. My path spiraled. I identified landmarks that looked vaguely but not exactly like ones I’d noticed minutes earlier. Even then—five years ago, two years before the diagnosis—I flashed to an image of my mother lost. She was always getting lost. I’d watched her solve her problems by trusting in fate and following an intuitive course. Fate and intuition were closely related in our family.

Lost in the woods, then, I did the same. And I did find my way. My panic dissipated. My mother used to have this kind of trust in the universe, and so did I. But now I know it’s possible to be irrevocably lost, untethered from divine protection and mystical intelligence. Everything has let my family down, even reason.

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