Glad No Matter What by SARK

Author:SARK
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608680344
Publisher: New World Library

JOY

I’m so happy!

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!

And I know how to do it now.

If I am thinking of you

and you are far from me

I send you a postcard

from my heart

And then you are with me.

But also

I have ME now.

I will always have me

I will never leave me

I will always love me

Val is a marriage and family therapist in private practice working with adults, couples, kids, families, and groups. She lives in San Francisco.

www.valtate.com

I went from hero to black sheep overnight when I came out to my family as being bisexual and in love with a woman. I had always been very close to my family and couldn’t imagine anything that could divide us or make me want to spend less time with them. Also, I had always been very accepted in my life. As the “hero” child, I had felt powerful and celebrated.

When I came out, their response was shocking. I lost my father’s respect because he didn’t agree with the choice I had made. I lost my mother’s faith in my values and morals. My brother became a preacher and turned away from me, and my sister couldn’t relate to me because I was now “different” from her as a woman. I had never before realized the difference between love and acceptance. Now I knew they loved me, but I had lost their acceptance.

For two years I had to call my parents several times to hear back from them (we all used to talk daily). I went from confidence to nervousness speaking to my father, as if I were waiting for him to approve of me again. I felt desperate for a morsel of my old relating with him. My mother quoted the Bible in every conversation. Each family member I spoke to tried to convince me to feel and act differently.

Before the rupture I didn’t realize how much I had measured my growth professionally and personally through the lens of my family. Being the black sheep was extremely uncomfortable. Hearing my inner voice was so difficult when I allowed my need for approval to enter the scene.

It was a huge loss of identity to not feel close to my family, especially my parents. They thought I had changed into another person, so I felt unseen and misunderstood. I was the same little me inside, yet I felt like an orphan.

I was impatient with my family for not adjusting to my changes. I judged them for being judgmental. I had always prided myself on accepting others, even if they were different. I was the person in the family whom others turned to with their secrets and isolation when they felt unaccepted. So after all the years I had accepted them for who they were, I felt owed the same service.

I supported myself by meditating often to remove negative energy or thoughts about who I am and how I live my life and truth. I also talked to close friends about it when it came up.

My advice to others going through loss or change is this: Accept what is.

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