Get Your M.B.A. Part-Time: For the Part-Time Student With a Full-Time Life by Robyn Frank-Pedersen

Author:Robyn Frank-Pedersen
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Master of business administration degree, Study Aids, Students, College Entrance, GMAT (Graduate Management Admission Test), General, Skills, Part-time, Part-time students, Graduate Preparation, Careers, Business education, Business schools, Education, Business & Economics
ISBN: 9781419551581
Publisher: Kaplan Publishing
Published: 2007-12-04T07:00:27+00:00

Critiques of Essay B

Admissions Official #1:

Essay B asks the candidate to provide succinct accounts of one or two personal accomplishments. The candidate should begin by briefly describing the accomplishments in the topic paragraph. The body of the essay should then describe each of the accomplishments in more detail, providing insight into their significance. A concluding paragraph is probably not necessary, unless there is some common thread in the examples that the candidate wishes to underscore. The response should ideally provide the admissions committee with some insight into the candidate’s values.

In this example, the candidate did not lay out the format of the essay in the topic paragraph. She instead commenced with a description of her first accomplishment. It was difficult to discern what she was describing because she didn’t indicate that her “plan for postcollegiate success” was indeed one of her accomplishments until she wrapped up the description in the fourth paragraph. She spent the balance of the description saying little more than that she held jobs in a few different fields. This was not an effective tactic for differentiating herself from other applicants, since many candidates have held jobs that challenged them to grow professionally. Another problem with this accomplishment is that she provided no specific information or examples drawn from her experience.

The second “accomplishment” was also flawed. If the point of discussing her foray into cooking was to show her ability to rise above adversity, she did so by trivializing the process.

Beyond the issues of content, this essay used pronouns with unclear antecedents and preferred the passive over the active voice (i.e., “in order for it to be a success, my plan . . . ,” instead of “In order for my plan to succeed . . . ”).

The admissions committee was asked to consider a candidate whose greatest accomplishments were exploring several career paths and perfecting a chili recipe. If this essay does set the candidate apart, it does so at the expense of her candidacy relative to other candidates, who will have undoubtedly accomplished much more.

Admissions Official #2:

An essay can’t address everything. The author made a choice as to topics and, in the process, she provided me with an insight into who she is. Willingness to break out of a comfort zone is a trait that I value because the business world is constantly changing and change necessitates the learning of new skills. The author recognizes that this is an uncomfortable process. I could see how she developed. I recognized that she can handle change, and even respond in positive, growth-producing ways.

Both this respondent and the previous one had a plan and experimented with different paths. But in this case, the author shared her internal conflicts, those created by personal preference and reality, and what she learned from the experience. The choice of this topic provided an answer to an unasked question. If I have a limited number of places in the class, and the world is constantly in flux, my best students and most successful alumni will typically be able to manage change and grow from it.

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