French Press by Sienna Waters

Author:Sienna Waters [Waters, Sienna]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2020-05-13T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty

Grey light was spilling through the tall windows when I woke. It took me an age to remember where I was, and when I did remember, I froze, paralyzed.

I desperately didn't look beside me. I could hear Nicolette's warm breathing, could sense her there, but couldn't yet deal with the reality of it. So instead I examined the beams in the ceiling, the crooked walls, the posters that I couldn't understand.

Clothes hung from nearly every available handle and nails on the walls. Yet the room wasn't messy. I could see a door and knew that a bathroom lurked behind it. If anything, the space was cozy, homely even.

A garret. A real Parisian garret.

As legendary as the Manhattan penthouse, of course, but far smaller. Still, a Parisian attic apartment had to be something special. And if I closed my eyes again I could almost see it. Living here. Coming home after late nights in smoky bars, laughing here, loving here. I could see friends, our friends now, cluttering the corners, drinking wine out of jars. I could see myself entertaining them in French that wasn't quite fluent, but that was comprehensible and charming in its mistakes.

A different life from anything I'd ever pictured.

Different from anything I'd ever imagined myself in before. I paraded the fantasy around in my head for a second, trying it on like a new dress.

Then I finally turned and saw Nicolette sleeping beside me. Carefree, relaxed, her skin biscuit colored, her hair splayed out over her shoulders.

What the fuck had I done?

I needed to leave, to run away, to leave all this behind me. Yet I couldn't. Just like last night. There was no way I could prise myself away, nothing that could crow-bar me out of the bed. I couldn't just leave her.

But I couldn't stay either. Could I?

My breath was coming faster now. I was sweating. Perspiration was beading on my forehead, leaving my skin clammy, and my heart was racing. I stumbled to my feet, racing for the bathroom, closing the door behind me, shutting away everything that I'd just done.

Thinking as quickly as I could I splashed cold water over my face again and again, letting the icy bite of it slap my skin, hoping it would change something, anything.

My gut was sick, my brain was furious, but my heart, my heart was full and alive and singing. And I didn't know how to consolidate the three. I didn't know how to deal with what every part of my body was telling me I needed to do.

You cheated, said my gut. Nicolette has a girlfriend. And you cheated with her.

You screwed up your life, said my brain. All those carefully planned decisions, you're going to throw them all away for a woman?

You found it, said my heart. Happiness. That's what this is. You found it and found her and my, how glorious it is.

More cold water. More splashing. Until I could breathe again, until my pulse slowed a little. Until I remembered that I was a big girl, an independent woman, and I needed to take responsibility for all this.

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