Forbidden colors by Mishima Yukio 1925-1970 & Marks Alfred H

Author:Mishima, Yukio, 1925-1970 & Marks, Alfred H
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Gay youth
Publisher: New York : Avon
Published: 1970-08-10T16:00:00+00:00

faculties, Mrs. Kaburagi could not come to grips with the cruel truths in the situation. She certainly did not love Yuichi so completely because he was beautiful. It was because he did not love her, nothing more.

Men whom Mrs. Kaburagi had gotten rid of within a week had at least loved her with body or soul, if not both. With all their various and sundry endowments, they were alike in at least this respect. But in Yuichi, this lover in the abstract, she could not find anywhere a quality she had seen before. She could do nothing but grope in the dark. When she thought she had cornered him, he turned out to be over there; when she thought she was far away, he was close. She was like one tracking down echoes, like one trying to take in hand the image of the moon reflected in the water.

It was not that there never were times when circumstances conspired suddenly to make her think Yuichi loved her. There were times when, her heart filled with happiness, she knew well that what she was looking for was not happiness, or anything like it.

Even the horrendous farce of that night in the Raku^o Hotel was rather easier for her to explain by the theory that Yuichi had taken part at Shunsuke's instigation than the theory that, as he explained it,- Shunsuke had done it all out of jealousy. Her heart, intimidated by happiness, began to lean toward loving only evil portents. Whenever she met Yuichi, she prayed that his eyes would reflect loathing, hatred, or superiority; but instead she was cast down to see in those eyes a clarity that knew no cloud.

Pregnant with dust, the wind deposited its burdens on the strange little garden consisting only of rocks and pines and cycads, and rattled the glass door. Mrs. Kaburagi looked fixedly through the vibrating glass, her eyes feverish.

"The sky is yellow, isn't it?" said Yuichi.

"I can't stand the wind in early spring," she said, her voice a little high. "Nothing is clear."

The desserts she had prepared for Yuichi were brought in by the maid. It helped her somewhat to watch Yuichi's childlike consumption of the hot plum pudding. The familiarity of that young little bird eating the bait from her hand! The joyful pain of having that hard little bill peck her palm! How good it would be if what he was eating like that were the flesh of her thigh!

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