F*ck Feelings by Dr. Michael Bennett

Author:Dr. Michael Bennett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2015-11-10T16:00:00+00:00

Getting to Commitment

Many weddings aim to be public, romantic, and often insanely expensive demonstrations of eternal commitment based on a grand, shared love. The greater the love, the more extravagant the wedding, the louder the band, and the taller the chocolate fountain at the dessert table.

The problem with this logic is that commitment is not just the result of mutual love; true commitment isn’t to a person but a cause, be that revolution, saving the whales, or a marriage. For commitment to work, both parties should be united in dedication to their shared vision of a partnership and, yes, loving the partner they’ve found.

If you think commitment depends primarily on love, then you won’t know what to look for, in yourself or another, other than love. And love might be the key factor in committing to a pair of shoes or pizza topping, but not another human being. You’ll either get a messy breakup prepartnership or, worse, a bad partnership and later an even messier divorce.

The fact is, not everyone is built for commitment. Some very nice people prefer independence, don’t like to share life decisions, or don’t want or need the security or family life that commitment enables. More men than women fall into this category, leaving women in the unpleasant position of playing musical chairs for potential male commitment candidates, knowing that there are not enough for everyone who deserves them.

Then there are people who, no matter how much you love them, will drag you down if you’re committed to them because they can’t manage their lives; they shower risk and trouble on everyone close to them, which, of course, makes them sexy and more likely to find suckers who will keep trying to make a relationship work. They may want commitment, but you don’t need a crystal ball to predict the future for them and their partners.

Either way, don’t try to convince yourself or your partner that committing is the right thing to do until you’ve reviewed the facts and your values and goals and still think it’s a good deal for both parties. If that doesn’t persuade your partner to take the next step, you’ll know you gave it your very best try, and that she maybe wasn’t the best match for you in the first place. But if you both are committed to the vision you share and working together to make it come true, then blow way too much money on jewelry. You’re ready to propose.

Here’s what you wish you could find to turn love into commitment, but can’t:

• A way to change your feelings about family and commitment from “meh” to “gimme!”

• A brand of beer for your beloved that both tastes great and makes the drinker a responsible adult

• The name of the person who wrote the actual Book of Love (and his/her address, so you can hire someone to take him/her out)

Among the wishes would-be committers express are:

• To move a relationship to the next step

• To find a way, at

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