Fantasy Online: The Runestones of Tritinakh: A LitRPG Saga by Harmon Cooper

Author:Harmon Cooper
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Boycott Books
Published: 2018-02-13T07:00:00+00:00

The moss boils away releasing a fragrant scent that quickly turns sour. By the time the Mitherfickers are done coughing and Hiccup’s finished lamenting the rotten stench, a giant hole has formed in the wall, a faint light visible at its other end.

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An assault rifle with a night vision scope in his hands, the Swede slips into the hole, ready for things to get rowdy at the drop of a hat. Zaena is next, followed by Enway and Ryuk. Hiccup scuttles in last, behind Wolf, whose tongue hangs out of his mouth as he walks.

“It’s nice having a dog in the group,” Hiccup says. “He’s quiet, and believe you me, I’m a fan of quiet fickers.”

With nobody commenting on his statement, Hiccup quickly runs out of things to say. He pops open a healing potion, takes a swig, burps, and mumbles about heartburn and cheap potions.

“Where do you think it leads?” Enway asks, after the Mitherfickers have walked for a few minutes.

FeeTwix’s maps don’t work down here, and from what Ryuk can tell, they seem to be spiraling downward. At least it feels like they are going deeper into the ground, mainly due to the change in temperature.

Wolf barks and zips around FeeTwix. His eye pressed to his night vision scope, FeeTwix tracks the big dog as he disappears around a corner. “I can send a drone,” he says. “You picking up anything, Ryuk?”

“No magical readings. Zaena? Do you sense anything?”

“Only that there have been more goblins in this hole than I’d care to admit.”

Hiccup nearly falls over laughing at that last line. “Liz, you make this shit way too easy!”

“What do you mean?” she hisses.

“Never mind, babe. Let’s just focus on getting out of this hole; it’s fickin’ terrible for live-streaming. What’s that? Ah, that’s right everyone! You can order items off the Old Banana Navy Gap Republic webstore from the deepest hole on planet Earth and still get a 15% off discount and twenty-five Old Banana Bucks to use for your next purchase by mentioning #FeeTwixRox at checkout! If you order now, you’ll get an exclusive Mitherfickers T-shirt featuring Hiccup’s two skulls deepthroating a sword design free with any purchase over a hundred bones. Wow, what a fantastic shirt! Did I mention I’ll be digitally signing the first fifty to go out? It’s the holy hole sale with prices practically at wholesale! #FeeTwixRox, people, you know what to fickin’ do.”

Hiccup burps and tosses his healing potion over his shoulder. “Twixy, first, fick you and the way you just polluted this hole with your bullshit. Second.”

“–I believe you’re the one with the polluted hole, goblin.”

“That was actually pretty good, Liz. Ha! Who knew Thuleans had a sense of humor. Crap. Where was I? Can’t remember. Wait. I got it. Something about not signing a merchandising agreement and having my attorney contact Old Banana Fick in the Box and FeeTwixRox LLC about royalties and other damages that come with having one’s IP exploited. FICK! Anyone feel that!?”

Ryuk definitely felt it. Although it had no aura, something magical just moved through the dark passage.

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