Failing Up by Leslie Odom Jr

Author:Leslie Odom, Jr.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

* * *

I WAS FULL of FUEL and READY to FAIL SPECTACULARLY, IF ONLY to SHOW MY MENTOR HOW WRONG HE WAS.

* * *

The next evening, as the moment approached, I was furious. I was sick of the conversation. I was ready to show Billy once and for all that I knew my own limitations and that it was he who lacked trust in me. I sailed past ten on the emotional scale and went for the eleven. I screamed. I flailed. I jumped. I ran. I cried. I let go. I flew. I soared. It shook me.

I had never felt so free in my work in my whole life. I knew nothing of this type of abandonment. It was a little frightening. And it was exhilarating.

My teacher was right, right, right, right, and I am so grateful he didn’t give up on me. To this day, I tell him often and without reservation. The ceiling I’d built for myself was broken that night, and the only reason I ever look back is to say thank God. In my willingness to fail, I flew instead.

* * *

Years later, LA presented an opportunity to fail spectacularly as well. But this time anger wasn’t the fuel. Curiosity was.

I’d grown so tired of the rut and niche I’d carved out for myself. I was tired of the uninspired work I was producing. I wasn’t challenging myself and I was so bored.

Then I got a call to come in and read for the lead role in a new Wayans brothers movie. The Wayans have a history of making satire and parody as good as anyone in the business.

My first thought was—I’m funny sometimes, but I don’t know if I’m Wayans brothers funny.

I took the audition anyway.

I spent the next day working on the material, trying to come up with “bits.” A funny walk, maybe? A funny talk? It was all pretty lame. I put the material down for a bit to clear my head. Unexpected inspiration and clarity hit me like lightning. I picked up the material again to be sure that what I was inspired to do would work.

The comedy made sense to me for the first time. I fought genuine laughter as I continued to try to learn my dialogue. I wrote notes to myself all over the script; cues that would keep me on track and remind me to honor my instincts and follow-through—even when old habits and fear crept in and tempted me to a safer place.

DON’T BE FUNNY. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. DO NOT MAKE THEM LAUGH. THIS IS A DRAMA. PLAY IT LIKE BRANDO WOULD PLAY IT.

Simple enough. This was my bright idea. As I saw it, the characters were in a world that they took literally and completely seriously. My guy had no idea he was in a Wayans brothers satire. My guy was living his life with a documentary camera crew following him. Simple enough and scary enough.

I drew a line in the sand for myself. This would be my first professional risk.

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