Everything Is Awful and You're a Terrible Person by Daniel Zomparelli

Author:Daniel Zomparelli
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781551526768
Publisher: Arsenal Pulp Press
Published: 2017-07-03T04:00:00+00:00

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“So, I have a coupla drinks. And they say I’m too drunk. I was no drunk. No, I had a coupla beers, that’s all. Just a coupla beers. And they sneak around the corner and tell me I’m a drunk. No! They drunk. They must be drunk. They take my breath and no let me see, so I say, no, I’m a no drunk. You drunk! And they take my license away. Now, I gotta sit here and talk to you stupid kids. You kids need to get a real job and then, then you can have a couple beers and drive. And I gotta drive her to the hospital, and I couldn’t no do that anymore. And you take my license away. How was I supposed to drive her to the hospital? And she too sick to—”

He pulled at his thumb.

“I dunno, boy. I dunno where I am.”

His son was waiting for him outside. “You come too early, you waste you time coming this early. You know, these stupid people. They don’t understand. I need my license, I can no have you drive me everywhere. I gotta go work. I gotta get out of the house. I’m just supposed to sit and watch TV all day? I go crazy.”

“Dad, you’re retired.”

“I know that. You don’t think I know that? She leave us with all this debt. I don’t know what she was thinking. She come into my life and she want a business and she want all those clothes and that car. She want all this diamonds and gold, and I can no afford that. And the casino. She just put money into that machine, into that god damn building. And now … It don’t matter.”

He pulled out his wallet to give his son some money for the gas. A small key fell out of the wallet.

“Dad, what’s this key for? It’s almost rusted over.”

“It no matter. For my truck.”

“But your truck is broken.”

“I just forgot about it. My truck was broken one time, and your mom, she got a key fixed for me. So the key work, but it didn’t start the engine. It just get me into the truck. But later, I lose the key, and then I find it again. I found it in her purse. So I took it.”

“We can get you a replacement.”

“I’m not stupid. I know we can get a replacement. Everything break, though. Everything. You know it’s that stupid curse.”

“Dad, what?”

“That gypsy, I tell you about her, remember?”

“You have never told me this story before.”

“Yes I did, you never listen. Before I get here, on the boat, in Italy. I pissed some woman off and she curse me. Why you think I get sick all the time?”

“I’ve never even seen you with a cold before.”

“No, sick, like my head hurts sick. You get it too. You know, why we can no drink coffee. Sick, like head too fast sick.”

“Dad, that’s not a real thing. You weren’t cursed.”

“Yeah, I get cursed and all this bad things happen.

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