Every Happy Family by Sarah Stovell

Author:Sarah Stovell [Stovell, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2023-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

22

PRESENT DAY

Lizzie

Ever since her spiritual awakening, Christmas had become an ethical struggle for Lizzie. Everything about it was deeply distasteful: the crass, commercial extravagance; the glut of food; the impact on the planet. She and Tamsin often spoke about their dream of retreating from the world at Christmas, to spend the festive period in the depths of a forest or at the top of a mountain, far away from everyone. But then they had to think about warmth and accommodation, and the dream took on blurred edges. If it were just the two of them, of course, it would be fine. They could spend a week in December living under canvas, heating Linda McCartney sausages over a gas flame, but there were children to consider. ‘We can’t deny them Christmas,’ Tamsin reflected. ‘If we do, they will grow up craving it. They’re more likely to reject it in time if we go along with it.’

They went along with it. Now that Ruby was thirteen, Lizzie had tried talking to her about the capitalist evils of the season and even suggested they volunteer at the old people’s home on Christmas Day instead of going to Grandma’s. It was the first time her daughter actually told her to fuck off. Tamsin had reprimanded her, but Lizzie laughed. On the whole, she was relieved to have a child who wasn’t afraid to express her feelings, and fuck off was powerful. Lizzie knew not to bother asking again. Christmas mattered when you had a family. There was no getting away from it.

It was Christmas Eve now. Jess would be arriving in a couple of hours, and Lizzie had escaped to her room for a while to cultivate a mind full of calm before the onslaught. Lizzie enjoyed a family party as much as anyone, but only for a couple of hours. After that, she began to feel it as an assault on her senses. She wished she had a dog or something she could use as an excuse when a baby started crying, or Bert banged his head and started swearing again, or Jess wouldn’t stop talking. ‘Sorry,’ she’d be able to say, ‘I’d love to hear all about how the woman in the bed next to you on the maternity ward suffered a fourth-degree tear but I really need to take the dog out.’ She’d witnessed several of her friends use their dogs as a means of escape from social obligations. Sometimes, they’d disappear for hours.

Lizzie wasn’t much of a walker, though. She didn’t have the physique for it. Also, she’d never been that keen on dogs. The way they panted, with their tongues lolling out of their mouths, always put her on high alert, as if at any moment one might knock her to the ground and eat her. Being eaten was Lizzie’s biggest fear and her most frequently occurring anxiety dream, and was part of the reason she could never lose weight. She’d wake up after a nightmare about thousands of spiders gnawing at her flesh and feel compelled to eat everything in sight.

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