Dreams of Desire 2 by Cassie Wright

Author:Cassie Wright [Wright, Cassie]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2014-01-16T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

I emerge from the Dream, wracked with confusion, pain, and lingering desire. My body is still glowing from the love I had just shared with Julian, despite it having been all in my mind. Still yearning for his arms, I open my eyes, and the sight of his industrial loft is jarring. I want a dark room with candles, I want low seductive music and Julian lying beside me. Not this great airy space, both of us on opposite couches, dressed and with a vast and infinite gulf between us. I stare across the coffee table at him, and feel even more confused. Was what we had shared real? In any sense of the world? Or just a fantasy? Was making passionate love in your mind even more intimate than the merely physical, or just a shadow of the actual act?

Julian rises to his feet. There is a tension in his frame, in how quickly he moves. As if my eyes accuse him, scald him. He strides away, leaving the Helmet behind, into the kitchen. I watch him go. Don't move other than to remove my Helmet in turn. He stands with his back to me, drinking from a glass of water. I don't speak. I don't know what to say. My confusion reigns supreme. My heart is at war with my pride. My mind grappling with what has happened. Julian puts the glass down with a sharp click. Places his hands on the edge of the counter, and hunches his shoulder as he stares at nothing. I remember running my nails down his back as he thrust into me. The world exploding into rings of violet that fell away into the void. A climax so powerful the very universe collapsed.

I rise to my feet. I'm not a child. I don't need to wait for his permission or initiative. I'll figure everything out later. I'll process alone. But I won't sit here, ignored. I pass the kitchen and stop by the front door. I take up my coat. Footsteps. Julian walks up behind me, stops.

"Jessie." I hear helplessness in his voice. I turn and stare at him. I'm not throwing him a rope. He can push me away, but he'd better not expect me to come back running. He looks harried, unsure. The calm and infinitely confident Julian is gone. He runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know how to handle this." The admission is abrupt, surprising him. "I didn't know - didn't expect this session to go so deep. To go... where it did."

I smile, and it's a bitter smile. I don't want him to talk. I don't want him to make things worse. There's a huge city outside that door for me lose myself in. I just want him to let me go. "Don't worry about it, Julian. Mistakes happen."

"No." His voice is sharp. "It wasn't a mistake." He's searching for the words right before me, like a blind man groping in the dark. "I don't regret it.

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