Draw Close to the Fire by Terry Wardle

Author:Terry Wardle [Terry Wardle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Leafwood Publishers
Published: 2011-07-16T00:00:00+00:00

Some Facts about Forgiveness

God’s Word emphasizes the direct relationship between forgiveness and personalwell-being.1The importance of forgiveness, Jesus taught, cannot be overstated or its practice overdone. It is God’s way with penitent people and it needs to be our way, too. Forgiveness is the doorway to incredible peace. And, conversely, unfor-giveness is a guaranteed formula for emotional and spiritual torment (see Matthew 18:34).

I want to challenge you, then, to consider several aspects of forgiveness as part of your own journey toward spiritual and emotional wholeness. Each dimension contributes a vital element to well-being and must be embraced prayerfully and acted upon practically along the way to freedom and maturity. The Holy Spirit will empower you to practice forgiveness in even the most difficult of situations. Six preliminary considerations are in order.

First, forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply often seems impossible. At times a powerful emotional resistance holds us back fromeven trying. Youmay have experienced this. One common hesitation stems from the misconception that forgiveness somehowerases the offender’s responsibility. This is not true. Forgiveness removes the moral hindrance that stands between you and your abuser, leaving the consequences in God’s hands. In addition, wounded people often see their bitterness or hatred as a shield to protect them from being hurt again. But for Christians, God is our Protector and the love of Christ our model.

A second preliminary consideration is that wemay not realize unforgiveness actually damages us, the offended.

Failure to forgive, Jesus said, places us in the hands of the tormentors (see Matthew 18:21–35). Unwillingness to forgive, no matter how horrible the offense, leads to personal torment—anger, bitterness, fear, revenge, jealousy or depression. Instead of keeping your victimizer the prisoner of your unforgiveness, you keep yourself. This is why it is important that you pour out your emotional pain before the Lord, and then, in the power of Christ, extend forgiveness freely. Forgiving sets you free.

Third, accept the fact that forgiveness involves a certain degree of risk, including the possibility of being hurt again. If you forgive an unfaithful spouse, there is the chance he or she could be unfaithful again. If the abuse you suffered recurs, you may need to remove yourself from the situation, while still extending forgiveness for the past offense.

Fourth, forgiving is not forgetting.Our brain functions to retain a record of past events. When the Holy Spirit touches our hearts, moving us to forgive, the pain of the past event often leaves, or at least it no longer drives us to unhealthy reactionary behavior.But thememory remains and is easily recalled, especially when we are placed insimilar circumstances. This can be a blessing in that it causes us to remember God’s grace in a difficultmoment of our past. But totally forgetting what happened is unlikely, and not a biblical condition of true forgiveness.

Fifth, forgiving is not excusing. It is not rationalizing a way your abuser’s responsibility because of the extenuating circumstances that led to your victimization. True, many perpetrators were themselves victims, and our hearts should reach out with hope for their healing.

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