Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve by Dr. Seth Meyers

Author:Dr. Seth Meyers [Meyers, Dr. Seth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: epub, ebook
Publisher: F+W Media
Published: 2010-11-17T18:30:00+00:00

2. Did you choose your favorite because you consider yourself to be like her or because you wish you could be more like her?

3. How would you describe your overt side? What about your covert side?

4. Do you present one persona but have another side most people don’t see?

Core Beliefs: The Beliefs You Hold about Yourself

In taking inventory of why you repeat toxic relationship patterns, we must consider one possible motivator for your behavior. When it comes to psychology and the laws of human behavior, we have to accept that there are many questions to which we don’t yet know the answers. After working for years in clinics with schizophrenic patients, I am still shocked that we don’t know why people are schizophrenic — all we have are unproven theories. In consideration of why you repeat dysfunctional relationship patterns, we are going to take another brief look at researcher Judith Beck’s core beliefs theory.

Essentially, Beck’s theory says that people’s most deeply held beliefs are what influence their feelings. She has determined that most peoples’ core beliefs are rooted in one of two negative core beliefs: helpless-ness or worthlessness.

In her book Cognitive Therapy, Beck defined the two categories of beliefs with the following examples.

HELPLESS CORE BELIEFS

• I am helpless.

• I am powerless.

• I am out of control.

• I am weak.

• I am vulnerable.

• I am needy.

• I am trapped.

• I am inadequate.

• I am ineffective.

• I am incompetent.

• I am a failure.

• I am disrespected.

• I am defective (i.e., I do not measure up to others).

• I am not good enough (in terms of achievement).

UNLOVABLE CORE BELIEFS

• I am unlovable.

• I am unlikable.

• I am undesirable.

• I am unattractive.

• I am unwanted.

• I am uncared for.

• I am bad.

• I am unworthy.

• I am different.

• I am defective (i.e., so others will not love me).

• I am not good enough (to be loved by others).

• I am bound to be rejected.

• I am bound to be abandoned.

• I am bound to be alone.

Read through this list again, circling any that apply to how you feel in day-to-day life, not on how you feel at this moment. In general, when you are upset, what do you feel? What do you think? What is the inner dialogue that you say to yourself?

If you repeat relationships, you can probably relate to at least one of these core beliefs.

No, it is not easy or fun to acknowledge unpleasant realties, but it is a crucial part of breaking the repetition cycle. You must strive to be honest with yourself and admit the truth, so that you can learn how to move on. Once you face the things you are most afraid of, you can look back and see that what scared you originally isn’t so scary after all. In other words, often the idea or fear of something is scarier than the real thing!

Take a look at these questions and answer them without thinking too much about them. Remember, there are no correct answers!

1. Of the

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