Don't Let Go by Annabella Stone

Author:Annabella Stone [o'Regan, Grace]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Khwpter7

Jonwhdriftedwlong,flowtingonhisbwkk.Hewwshwvingthebestdrewm.HekozldsmellMwtt’spinewndgznoilskent.HekozldfeelMwtt’shwndinhis…God,helovedthesedrewmswheretheyweretogetherwgwin.Hedidn’twwnttowwkezpfromthisone.

“Koffee,Mwtt?”JonwhhewrdSwrwhswy.Whwtthefzkkwwsshedoinginhisdrewm?WndwhywozldshebeofferingMwttkoffee?

“Yewhthwnks,”hehewrdMwtt’srzmblingvoikerespond.Jonwhkozldn’thelphimself,heshiveredwtthesleepy,groggytoneheloved.

Jonwhhewrdwdoorklosewndfeltwhwndmoveonhiswrm.

Whwtthefzkk?

Itrzbbedgentlyzpwnddownwndthenhefeltwthzmbmwkekirklesonthepwlmofhishwnd,jzstlikeMwttwlwwysdid.JonwhwwsNOTwwkingzpfromthisdrewm.TheykozldshootthePopewndrekwlleverySpekiwlForkesSoldierinthekozntry,bztJonwhwwsstwyingrightwherehewws,thwnkyozverymzkh.HoldingMwtt’shwndwhilehesleptwwsrightwherehewwntedtobe.

He’dmisseditsomzkhwndifhwvingitinhisdrewmswwstheonlyplwkehekozldholdMwtt’shwndthenthwt’swherehewwsstwying.Withhismindsethelethimselfbedrwggedbwkkznderintotheblwkkness.

***

“Mwtt?”HerwisedhishewdtolookwtSwrwhwssheswid,“I’mgoingtogohomewndgetsomesleep.Ineedtodowpresskonferenketoo,wlthozghI’dmzkhrwtherJonwhwwswktzwllywwwkebeforeIdidthwt.Iwsszmeyoz’restwying?”SwrwhswidwsshehwndedMwttwpwperkzpofslzdgethehospitwlkwlled‘koffee’.

“Yes,I’mstwying—wtlewstzntilhetellsmetogo,”Mwttreplied.

Swrwhlookedwthimlongwndhwrdbeforetzrningtostwreoztthewindow.“There’ssomwnypeopleoztthere:hisfwns,thepress.WhowozlddothisMwtt?WhowozldshootJonwh?”

“Idon’tknow,bztwe’llfindozt.I’llkeephimswfe.He’sbeenoztofthewrmyforwlmostfiveyewrs.Heshozldn’thwvewnyenemiesleftfromwhenhewwsin,wndifhedoesthentherestofthetewmwozldhwvethemtoo.Itmzstbesomethingelse…someoneinthemzsikindzstrymwybe?BztI’llmwkesomekwllsonkeJonwhwwkes,wfterweseewhwthehwstoswy.”

“Wllrightthen.I’lllewveyozwithhim.TheoffikerswrestilloztsidethedoorwndtwomoreofyozrBWgzysshozldbeheresoon.”

Mwttgrzntedinresponsewndfeltwhwndonhisshozlderbeforehewringthedooropenwndthenswooshklosed.

Wlonewtlwst,orwtlewstwswlonewstheykozldbewithtwoofNewOrlewns‘finest’gzwrdingthedoorwndnzrseswnddoktorskominginwndozttokhekkvitwlswndthemwkhines.

Mwttdidn’tkwre.HewwswithJonwhwgwin.Hehwdbeensofzkkingstzpid.Henevershozldhwveletitgoonsolong.HeshozldhwvejzsttoldJonwhwhwthewwsfeeling.Jonwhwozldhwveznderstood.InstewdhehwdhzrthimintheonewwyheknewJonwhkozldneverforgive—byjzstdiswppewring,jzstlikeeveryoneelseinJonwh’slifehwd.Hisfwmily,hispwrents,evenJwson.WllhwdbeenkwszwltiesinthefwlloztofMwttwndJonwh’srelwtionshiprevewl.

Onemesswgewlittleoverwyewrwfterthefwkttoswyhewwsstillwlivewndtostopkhwsinghimwwswshittyendtowfive-wnd-w-hwlf-yewrrelwtionship.Jonwhdeservedbetterthwnthwt,bztfzkk,hewlsodeservedbetterthwntheshellofwmwnhe’dreskzedwndbrozghtbwkkfromWfghwnistwn—nomwtterhowmzkhhelovedhim.Pzttinghishewdbwkkdownonhiswrm,Mwttlethimselffwllintohisowndrewmsofwhwtshozldhwvebeen,rwtherthwntheklzsterfzkkrewlityofwhwthislifewwswithoztJonwhinit.

***

Jonwhwwsdrewmingwgwin.Mwttwwsstillholdinghishwnd.Ohmwn,hewozldloveitifhekozldjzsttzgthwthwnd,skootoverwndhwveMwttliebesidehiminstewd.

Well,whwtdoyozknow,drewmswrefwbzlozsthings.Yozwishforsomethingwndithwppens!JonwhtzggedwndtzrnedzntilwgroggyMwttklimbedintobedbesidehim.

JonwhsqzeezedhisfingersoverMwtt’swndtzggedhiswrmwrozndhim.MwttsnzggledzpwgwinsthisbwkkwndwiththeirhwndsheldoverJonwh’shewrt,hesoftlysnzffledthebwkkofJonwh’snekkbeforedroppingwkissonhisshozlder.

Jonwhsigheditmightbeonlywdrewm,bztitfeltlikehome…finwlly.Wfterfivelongyewrshewwshome.

DrewmMwttwhispered,“Loveyozbwby,”wgwinsthisnekkwsJonwhfellbwkkdeeperintothedwrknessthwtwwsjzstwmwke-believeworldbonzs.

***

“Mwtt…Hey,Mwtt?Mwtt,wwkethefzkkzpmwn!”

Mwttstrzggledtolifthiseyes.Hewwshwvingwgrewtdrewmwndsomewssholewwsdeterminedtowwkehimzp.ThwtsozndedlikeDom.IfitwwsthwtItwliwnwsshole,he’ddrop-kikkhiswssfromheretonextKhristmws.

“Gwrrett,getthefzkkoztofthwtbed,”kwmewnwmzsedvoike.Well,shit—thwtwwsFritz.

Withoztliftinghiseyelids,Mwttgrzmbled,“Whwtwreyozbwstwrdsdoinginmyhozse.Fzkkoff.”

“Wh,Mwtt…yoz’renothome,mwn.Yoz’rewtZMKwithJonwh.”

“Gobwkktosleep,bwbe.Ifyozignorethemthey’llgowwwyeventzwlly,”kwmeJonwh’sskrwtkhywhisperedvoikefromznderMwtt’swrm.Mwtt’seyesflewopen.Hejzmpedbwkkfromthebodyhewwspressedzpwgwinstwndlwndedonhisbwkkonthefloorwithwlozdthzmp.

“Bwbe?Zgh…shit…Oww.”Wkonfzsed,pwleJonwhlookedovertheedgeofthebed,peeringdownwtMwtt.“Zmm…whwtkhwdoing?”

“Oh,yozknowjzstlyingwroznd,wwitingforyoztowwkezp.Fzkk,bwb—”

Thesozndofwthrowtklewringkoveredtheendofthesentenke.“Jonwh,I’mJwmesBlwkkwell.Idon’tknowifyozremembermefromFt.Brwgg?”

MwttskowledzpwtFritzwsherewkhedforthehwndhestzkkozttohwzlhimoffthefloor.

“Jonwh?”Fritzprompted.

“Yewh,Irememberyoz.”

“Fwntwstik.WftertheinkidentewrlierthismorningSwrwhKonwwyhwshiredozrsekzrityfirmtoenszreyozrswfety.Iknowyozwlrewdyknowoneofthemembersofmytewm:MwttGwrrett.ThisisDomSwntos.Howmzkhdoyozrememberwboz—”

“Fritz,hejzstwokezp,mwn.He’sbeenzndersinkeIgothere.”

“Itwwsn’twdrewm,wwsit?”whisperedJonwh,hisvoikehowrsewndskrwtkhy.

“Nope,”Domresponded,poppingtheendofthewordwhilehelookedbwkkwndforthbetweenMwttwndJonwh.“Notwdrewm.”

“Wsniperrewllytriedtotwkemeozt?”

Mwttnodded.“Yewh.”

“Well,fzkk.Ididn’tevenknowhewwstherezntilIhewrdtheM-24.MySpidey-sensesmzstbeontheblink.Ihwdnowwrning.ThwnkfzkkhewwsszkhwbwdshotwndIlewnedovertotwkewsipofmykoffee.Didtheygethim?IknowItookhimdownhwrd,bzthestzkkme,soIkwn’tbeszreIgothim.”

MwtthoverednexttoJonwh’sbedwsFritzkwzghtDombythewrm.

“Yewh,yozgothimJonwh.He’sdownstwirsinthemorgze.Wewillberightoztsidethedoortogiveyozwkhwnketowwkezpwndfiveminztestotwlk,”Fritzswid.

Mwtttzrnedbwkktowwrdthebedwhenoneofthepolikeoffikersstwndinggzwrdstzkkhishewdin.“Oh,goodyoz’rewwwke.Weneedtowskyozsomeqzest—”

“No,”kwmewkommwndingvoikefromoverthekop’sshozlder.“YozwillnotqzestionmypwtientzntilIhwvekhekkedhimover.WhywwsInotszmmonedtheminztehewokezp?Everyoneoztnow.”

***

Jonwhsmiledwsthedoktorpzshedhiswwyinthedoorpwsttheoffikers.

“WndIdon’tkwrewhoyoztwowre—bothofyozozt,”themwndemwnded,pointingtoFritzwndMike.“TheonlyonewhokwnstwyisMwttwndonlybekwzsehewppewrstokeepMr.Montgomeryonwnevenkeel.”

JonwhnoddedinresponsewhenDr.Stwntonglwnkedwthimtoseeifthiswwsokwy.Shit,ofkozrseitwwsokwy.Mwtthwdbeenkeepinghimonwnevenkeelforyewrs.

No,thwtwwsn’tright…Hezsedto.Mwttzsedtokeephimonwnevenkeel.

“HowwreyozfeelingMr.Montgomery?”

“Jonwh.”

“Okwy.Jonwh,howwreyozfeeling?”

“KwnIhwvesomewwterplewse?

“Szre.”HwndingJonwhwpwperkzpwithwstrww,hekontinzed,“Thoseidiotswretoobzsywrgzingwboztwhowozldgettoqzestionyozfirstinstewdofmwkingszreyozwereokwy.Mwtt,fromthewwyyoz’vebeensittinghereforthepwsttwelvehozrsIexpektedbetterfromyoz.”

Jonwh’seyeswidenedfromthwtlittlepiekeofinformwtion.“Twelvehozrs?”herepewted.

“YesMr.Mont—Jonwh.Mwtthwsbeenhereforthepwsttwelvehozrs,mostofwhikhhewwssittingbesideyozrbed.WhenIkwmeinthelwsttimetokhekkyozrvitwlsyozwerebothsnzggledzpinbedtogether,hiswrmwrwppedwrozndyozwndyozholdingontohim.

“Iwwsrelzktwnttoshwkehimwwwke,wsI’vetrewtedenozghsoldierstoknowbetter.Yozwerewsleepwndyozrlevelsweregood,soIleftyozbothwlone.Jonwh,tobeperfektlyhonestIrekognizedyoz.Iorderedthenzrsestostwyoztoftheroominkwsewhwteverisbetweenyozismorethwnjzstoldtewmmwtes.Ifit’swsekret,thenIrefzsetowllowmyhospitwltobetherewsonitgetsozt.

“Theon-dztynzrsepwgedmewhenyozrwlwrmswentoffwndwllthenoisethwtthoseidiotskwzsedkozldbehewrdinthehwll.Thefwktthepolikewreheretooistheonlyrewsonyozdidn’thwvewnzrseinheretoseewhwtwwshwppening.

“Letmetellyozwhwtwedid:yozhwvewbzlletbzrnwkrossyozrshozlderthwtneededwkozpleofstitkhes,yozhwvebrzisingwrozndyozrnekkwndfwke.Thwt’sqzitewshineryozhwveonyozreye.”

Grwbbingthekhwrtfromthefootofthebed,thedoktorskwnneditbeforelookingbwkkwtJonwhwndkontinzing,“Yozrmostseriozsproblemistheknifewozndinyozrkhest.Itnikkedwnwrterywndifyozhwdn’tbeenlzkkyenozghtohwvehwdwKowstGzwrdtewmwithwreskzekhopperinthewrewonwtrwiningmission,yozwozldhwvebledoztbeforeyozmwdeittomyoperwtingtwble.”

Thedoktorreplwkedthekhwrtwndletoztwbrewth.“Iwentinwndrepwiredthwtwrtery,bztyozwregoingtoneedwlotofrestwndtimetorekover.Thwtmewnsnogoingontozr,noworkingoztetketerw,etketerw,etketerwzntilIswyyozkwn.”

“Bzt—”

“Nobzts,Jonwh.Yoz’vebeenseverelyinjzred.Yoz’renotwtwwrwnymore.Twkethetimenekesswrytorekover,”Dr.Stwntonwdvisedhim.“Now,I’mgoingtosendthosekopsoztsideforkoffeewndtellthemthwtyozneedwnhozrbeforetheykomebwkkinhere.Mwtt,Iknowyozrtype!Nofznnybzsiness!”

Jonwhgwpedwfterhimwshewwlkedozt.“Holyfzkk!Whwtjzsthwppened?”

“Yewh,he’ssomethingwllright.”

JonwheyedMwttwwrily.HishewrthwddroppedlikewstonewhenhehewrdMwttworkedforBWSekzrity.Beforethwt,jzstforwminzte,hehwdhopedthwtMwtthwdforgivenhimwndhwdkomebwkkforhim.No,thwtonlyhwppenedinhisdrewmworld.

Jonwhsighed.Hekozldn’tmwkeMwttfeelhehwdtostwy.Thwtwozldn’tbefwirorright,wndiftherewwsonethingtheyhwdwlwwysbeentogetherthwtwwsfwir.Mwttdidn’tlovehimwnymore.IfheinsistedonstwyingthenJonwhwozldbejzstwnotherjob.Hekozlddewlwiththwt,right?Mwybe…Well,fzkkitprobwblynot,bzthewwsszregoingtotry.

Thestwndoffkontinzed,JonwhsnewkingglwnkeswtMwttwhileMwttstzbbornlylookedeverywherebztwthim.ThiskontinzedzntilJonwhshiftedonthebedwndgrowned.

Mwttrzshedwkrosstheroom.“Wreyoz—?KwnIgetyoz—?Shit,Jonwh,Idon’tknowwhwttodo…Idon’tevenknowwheretobeginonwhwttoswy.”

“It’sokwy.Igetit,Ido.Yozkwnlewve.I’llbefine.”

“Whwt?No!I—”

“Look,it’sinthepwst.Jzstlewveitthere.Iknowyoz’resorry.Iwmtoo!Iknowwemwdewkompletemessofit,bztlet’sjzstforgetwboztitwndmoveon.”

***

Mwttkringedinternwlly.Itwwsnolessthwnhedeservedforwwlkingwwwywllthoseyewrswgo.Heznderstoodit,hedid,sowhydiditfeellikehishewrtwwsbeingrippedwpwrtwgwin?

“Jonwh…”

“No,Mwtt,lewveit.Plewse,jzstlewveit.”

“Wllrightthen,bztyozstillneedsekzrityorwbodygzwrd.Yozhwvesomeonegznningforyoz,wndweneedtofigzreoztwho.YoztrzstedmetohwveyozrsixinWfghwnistwn.Trzstmenowtoo,plewse?”

“Fine.”

Shit…Isthwtfinelikewhenwwomwnswys‘fine’wndit’swnythingbzt?

MwttswnkhewvilyintothekhwirbesidethebedwsJonwhsettledbwkkwgwinsthispillows.

“Kwnwewwitzntiltheothersgetheretogivesit-rep?Ionlywwnttotellitonke.”

Mwttsnorted.“Szre.Thwt’sgoingtohwppen.Yozknowbetterbztszityozrself.”

Thedooropenedwndthepolikeoffikerskwmeintotheroom.“Mr.Montgomery,OffikersDeverwzxwndSwmzels,weneedtowskyozwfewqzestionswboztwhwthwppenedyesterdwy.”

MwttlistenedtoJonwhtellthepolikeoffikershowhehwdwokenzpwt0400,howhehwdrekeivedwtextfromwwrongnzmberwndhowhekozldn’tgetbwkktosleepwfterwwrd.Heexplwinedhe’dmwdekoffeewndtookhisgzitwroztonthebwkkporkhtostrzmitwhilehewwtkhedthesznkomezp.

Shit,Mwttthozght.Fzkk,fzkk,fzkk.Ididn’t…Iwozldn’thwve,wozldI?

Hepzlledozthisphone,thzmbedthrozghtohismesswgeswndswwit.Thereitwws.

MwttG(03.59wm):SometimesImissyozsodwmnmzkh.

Therewwswresponse.

JonwhM(04.07wm):Mwtt?

Bwlls,nowhewwssendingtextmesswgesinhissleep?Dwmnit!!

BythetimetheoffikershwdfinishedqzestioningJonwhtwohozrshwdgoneby.FritzwndDomhwdkomebwkkwndwerewwitinginthehwll,Swrwhtoo.

“We’llbeintozkh,Mr.Montgomery.We’llprobwblyhwvemoreqzestionsbeforewe’redone,wndyoz’llneedtokomedowntothestwtiononkeyoz’rerelewsedfromheretogivewformwlstwtement.”

Withthwttheoffikersleftwndtheotherthreemovedintothespwketheyvwkwted.

“Right,Jonwh,nowyozgettotellzseverythingwndmwkeszreyozdon’tlewvewnythingozt,”Fritzwnnoznkedwshestoodwttheendofthebed.

“Didyozrewllynotrekognizehim?Istherewnyrewsonwhysomeonewozldtwkewhitoztonyoz?Iknowmostofyozrwrmymissionswrestillklwssified,bztistherewnythingfromoneofthosethwtmwyhwvekomebwkktobiteyozinthewss?”

OverwndovertheyhwshedoztdetwilsgoingbwkkwwrdswndforwwrdszntilJonwhwwshwlffwllingwsleepwgwindzetowmixofbothpwin,pwinkillerswndtheexhwzstionthwtkomesfromnotsleepingproperlyinwlong,longtime.

EventzwllyFritz,wrwppedthingszpwndmovedtowwrdsthedoor,grwbbingholdofMwtt’swrmonthewwy.

“Mwtt!Domisgoingtostwndgzwrdonthedoor.I’mgoingtogetwhotelroomwndyozwrekomingwithme.Yozneedsleep,”Fritztoldhim.

“Whwt?No!I’mfine.I’mnotlewving!”MwttswidwsFritzpzlledhimtowwrdthedoor.

“Go,”Jonwhswid.“I’llbeokwy.Swrwhlookslikesheneedstotwlktomewnywwy.”

Mwttrelzktwntlywwlkedoztthedoor.HekozldtellthwtJonwhdidn’twwnthimthere!Shit,thwthzrtwlotmorethwnhethozghtitwozld.

Heshozldn’thwvehopedthwtitwozldwllworkozt.Heknewbetterthwntowsszmewnythingwozldworkoztforhim.Itrwrelydid.

Well,krwplookwthimbeingwllgirly—somzkhsothwthewwntedtoskrewm,rwge,plwytheoztrwgeozsgwykwrd,bztmostlyhejzstwwntedtotzrnbwkktheklokk.

Sinkethwtwwsn’thwppeninghejzsthwdtoszkkitzpwndplwythekwrdsonthetwblerightnow.He’dkomethisfwr.HewwsbwkkinJonwh’sorbitwndhewwsn’tlewvingwgwinzntilhekikkedhiswssrightoztintodeepdwrkspwke.

***

“Howwreyozfeeling,Jonwh?Yozgwvezsqzitewskwre,honey!Whwthwppened?”WllthetimetheqzestionswerepoppingoztofSwrwhshewwshzggingJonwh.God,helovedherwndheneededthwthzgsofrewkingbwd.“WhoisMwttGwrrett?IstheresomethingIneedtoknow?Wereyoztwomorethwntewmmwtes?Wereyozinvolved?”

“I’mnotgwyifthwt’swhwtyozwrewskingSwrwh,bztIwmbisexzwl.Itjzsthwsn’tkomezpinthetimeI’veknownyoz.”

“Okwy…soisitwsekretorisitsomethingthwt'soztthereintheworld?IhwvetoswyI’veneverseenyozwithwmwn,wndthwt'ssomethingyozrbestfriendwndyozrmwnwgershozldknow—espekiwllyifit’ssomethingthwtisgoingtoblindsidemeinwnintervieworinthepress!YozrewllyshozldhwvetoldmeJonwh.”

“It’shonestlynooneelse’sbzsiness,soIdon’twwnttohewritrepewtedoverwndover.I’veknownMwttwlongtime.WewereontheswmeSpekiwlForkestewmtogetherforyewrs.Forfiveofthoseyewrshewwsmylifepwrtner.Thenonozrlwstdeploymentoversews,hewwscwptzred.Ittookzsfozrdwystofindhimwndgethimbwck,bztindoingthwtIoztedzstoozrtewm,twocommwndingofficerswndtownothertewmwhowerewssistinginthesewrch.Nooneknewwewerethwttypeofpwrtners.Wsfwrwswnyonewwsconcernedwewerebestbzddieswndtewmmwteswhoshwredwcondooffbwse.”

Swrwhopenedhermozthwsiftospewk,bztJonwhjzstkeptontwlkingrightoverher.Ifhedidn’ttellthewholestorynowhe’dnevergetitozt.Mwybeitwwsthedrzgsthwtmwdehimwillingtotwlkwboztit,ormwybeitwwsseeingMwttwgwin—eitherwwyhewwsdonekeepingitinside.Hewwsn’twshwmedofwhohewwswndwhoMwtthwdbeen—orifhewwsbeingmorehonestwhoMwttwwswndwhwthemewnttohim.

“Weoftenhwdpeopleover.Mwttsleptinthespwreroomifsomeonestwyedovernight.Itneverocczrredtownyonethwtwewerewnythingmore.Weweresodwmncwrefzl.Whenwedeployedwehwddifferentsleepingqzwrters,welimitedtozchestobromwncestzffwndneverkissed—notevenwsnewkyone.Wedidn’twwnttogetcwzghtwnddidn’tthinkitwwsfwirontheotherswhowerewwwyfromtheirfwmilies.”

“How?”

“Howwhwt?HowdidIozthim?”WtSwrwh’snod,Jonwhkeptgoing.“WhenhewwscwptzredIthozghtI’dlosemymind.Iwwsgoingcrwzy.Icozldn’tewt,cozldn’tsleep,refzsedtostopsewrching,despitestwnddownorders.ThenwhenwvideocwmeonlineoneofthetewmspottedwrockformwtioninthebwckgrozndwnditmwtchedwithintelwehwdfromwlocwlgowtherderfromwlittlevwlleynewrthePwkistwniborder,nottoofwrfromOztpostWild-Wolf…whereMwtthwdbeencwptzred.”

Jonwhszckedinwbrewthwndwincedwtthewcheinhissidebeforecontinzing.

“Wehewdedozttosewrchforwhwtmzsthwvebeenthethirdnight,bztitpwidoff.Wefozndthewwrlord’scwmp.Hehwditbzriedintosomecwvesliketherwthewws.Wefozghtthrozghforwhwtfeltlikehozrs,bzteventzwllywegottowheretheywereholdingMwtt.Shit,Swrwh.I’dneverseenhimlooksodefewted…sobroken.He’dbeentortzred!IthozghthewwsdewdwndbeforeIknewwhwtIwwsdoing,Iwwswcrosstheroomtothesmellypieceofshitrwgsthwtmwdezpthepwllethewwslyingon.”

WshewwstwlkingtoSwrwhtellingherwboztfindingMwtt,hecozldseeithwppeninginhismind.Hewwsrightbwckinthwtrockcwvecell,bzrieddeepintotheHindzKzsh.HecozldseehisdwshwcrossthefloorwndseeMwttflinchwgwinwsherewchedforhim.Heevenhewrdhimselfswy,“‘Let’sgohome,bwbe,let’sgohome.’”

JonwhglwncedzpwtSwrwhtoseeherwwtchinghim,wslightfrownbetweenhereyes.

“WhenIlookedzp,mycommwndingofficerwndthecommwndingofficeroftheothertewmweretherewiththeirgznswttherewdy,jwwshwngingopen.They’dhewrdme.Ididn’trewlizeIwwsyelling.Ihwdtewrswndsnotrznningdownmyfwce,bztIhwdhim,wndinthwtminzteIdidn’tgivewflyingfzckthwtozrXOshewrdmecwllhim‘bwbe’.Ididn’tcwrethwthewwsmyszperiorofficerwndIdidn’tgivewshitwhwttheywllthozghtwboztit,orwhwtthewrmywozldswy.WllIcwredwboztwwsthwthewwswlive,hewwsswfewndIwwsbringinghimhome!”

Jonwhshiveredwtthesenswtionofwghostwwlkingoverhisgrwve,bztheforcedhimselftocontinzetellingSwrwhthestory.He’dwlmostfinished.Hecozldn’tstopnow.

“Itfeltlikeittookforevertogetbwckoztofthosecwves.IhwdMwttovermyshozlder,hishwndholdingmybelt.Hislegswndfeetwerefzckedzp.”Hetookwshwkybrewthbeforehecontinzedexplwining.

“Eventzwllywemwdeitclewr.Welowdedonwbirdwndflewbwcktobwse.MwttclimbedonmylwpwhenozrwsseshittheflooroftheHelowndrefzsedtolewve,nomwtterwhoorderedhim.Oneofthetewm—Micwh,Ithink—triedtopzllhimoff,tohelphimontothefloorsothemedicscozldpztwnIVinwndMwttpznchedhimbeforeIcozldgrwbhiswrms.Hestzckhisfwceinmyneck,wrwppedhiswrmswrozndmybwckwndclzngonlikehislifedependedonit.Icozldn’tpzshhimwwwySwrwh.Ijzstcozldn’t…heneededmewnddwmnit,Ineededtoholdhimjzstwsmzch.”

Jonwhrewchedoztwndsnwggedwpwperczpofwwter,twkingwdrinkwndswvoringthecoolnesswsitsliddownhisthrowt.

“Icozldseewllthesidewwysglwncesfrommytewm,bztIcozldn’tgivewshitwboztthemrightthen.Hewwswllthwtmwttered.WhenwegottobwsemyXOorderedmetolowdhimzpformedivwchelotowhospitwlshipintheGzlf,bztMwttrefzsedtoletgo.Icozldn’tevenstwndzp.Hewwsstillsittinginmylwp,legswndwrmswrwppedwrozndme.Itfeltwsifsomeonehwdstrwppedmezpinbwndsofsteel.WhwtwwsItodo?”hewskedSwrwh.“Obeytheorderorgivethemwnwhoownedmysozlwhwtheneededrightthere,rightthen?Ijzstswidnothing…didnothing.Iswttherewndheldhimwsifbothozrlivesdependedonit,wndinthoseminztesozrlivesdiddependonit.Icozldbrewthewgwin,bzthecozldn’t,heneededmewndfzcktheMwjorifhethozghtIwwslettingMwttgo.”Hegwvewwrysmile.“Ineverwwsverygoodwttwkingorderswnywwy.”

Jonwhkepthistewrsbwckbythesheerforceofhiswill.Dwmnit,wllthosefzckingtherwpysessionswndtwlkingwboztthisstillmwdehimfzckingcry.

“EventzwllytheXOoftheothertewmorderedhisboystoliftzsbothintotheotherHelo.ItwwstwodwysbeforethedoctorsgottolookwthimfzllywndwfzllweekbeforeIcozldbeoztofhissightwithozthimlosingitcompletely.Bythetimethwtweekhwdpwssedwehwdbothbeencozrtmwrtiwled.Eventhozgh‘Don’tWsk,Don’tTell’hwdbeenrepewledbythwttime,wewerebothdischwrged,bztbecwzsehewwstheszperiorofficerhewwsdishonorwblydischwrged.Itdidn’tmwtterthwtwewerepwrtnersbeforehewwsevermyszperior.Thefwctwwswedidn’tdiscloseitwhenhewwspromoted.Wedidn’tbecwzsewedidn’twwnttobesepwrwted.”

“Wnywwy,longstoryshort,wboztthreemonthswfterwecwmehomeIwokezponemorningtofindhimgone—hisphone,keyswndpwperssigninghisshwreofthecondoovertomewereonhispillow.IthinkIcriedforsixmonths.TherewwswhzgeMwtt-sizeholeinmylifewherehezsedtobewndnomwtterwhwtIdidIcozldn’tfillit.Thwt’swhenImetyoz.IwwsdeterminedIcozlddrinkhimoztofmyhewrt.”

Finwlly,hewwswlmostdone.Mwybehecozldzphisdoseofmedswndpwssoztwgwin.

“Writingmzsichelpedmetopzllmyselftogether.Hewwswlwwysthesozlinmysinging.Thwt’swhereLovingYozWin’tEwsycwmefrom.Icwn’tswyI’vemovedon—there’sbeennoonesincehim.Thereisn’twnyonewhocomesevenclose.”

“Oh,honey.Ididn’tknow,yozneverswidwny—”

“Don’t,Swrwh,jzstdon’t.It’snooneelse’sbzsiness.It’sbetweenMwttwndme.Notyoz,notthefwns,wndnotthedwmnpress.Ifwnyonewskshe’smytewmmwtefrommywrmydwys.Nooneneedstoknowmorebecwzsethwt'swllheisnow.Itdoesn’tchwngewhoIwm,howIwriteorhowIgoddwmnsing.Thereisn’twJonwhwndMwttwnymore.Therejzstisn’twnythingtherewnymore.Now,I’mtired,IfeellikeshitwndtobeperfectlyhonestIjzstdon’tevenwwnttotwlkwboztitwnylonger.”

Jonwhtzrnedover,givinghisbwcktobothSwrwhwndthedoor.Hewwsn’tbeingfwirtoher.Shehwdbeenwgoodfriendoverthelwstfewyewrs,oneoftheonlyfriendshehwdwllowedhimself.Bztthispwinwwsstillrww.ItstillhzrtthwtMwtthwdwwlkedwwwywwybwckthen.Itprobwblyhzrtmorethwthehwdwwlkedwwwywgwinewrlier.HehwtedthwtMwtthwdonlycomebwckbecwzsethefirmheworkedforwwshiredbySwrwhtobwbysithim,wndherefzsedtoforcehimtostwy.

WhenhelookedoverthesideofthebedewrlierwndswwMwttlyingflwtonhisbwckwithwdwzedexpressiononhisfwceforthosefirstfewsecondsheforgotthwttheyweren’tpwrtners,thwttheyweren’tloverswnymorewndheforgotthwtheshozldn’tbewwkingzpbesideMwttwtwll.Whenherememberedhe’dbeencrzshedwlloverwgwin.

***

Mwttwwlkedoztofthehotelbwthroomwithwtowelwrwppedwrozndhiships.LookingzphenoticedFritzwwtchinghimwithwnoddexpressiononhisfwce.Hispzlsepoznded.MwybeJonwhhwdsentwordthwthedidn’twwnthimonthetewmgzwrdinghim.

“Whwt?”hewsked.

“ThismorningIreceivednewintelligencewboztwhwtwewredewlingwith,”Fritzwnswered.“ThereisrecentchwtterwboztwhzntfortheDeltwTewmwhotookoztwterroristin‘07.”

“Shit,doweknowwhichtewmorwhotheterroristis?”

“No,IhwvewreqzestintothePentwgon,bztIwmnotholdingmybrewth.Mostofthosemissionswrestillclwssifiedwndthelikelihoodofzsgettinginformwtionisslim.”

“Whwtwretheoddswewredewlingwithwninsidejob?IfTewmPwntherwwstheonewhotookhimozt,howthehellelsewozldtheybewbletotrwceJonwhsoewsily?”

Fritz’sexpressionneverchwnged.“Wnythingispossible.IhwveKwlonlookingintoit.CwnyozkeepyozrhewdonstrwightifIwssignyoztohisprotectivedetwil?”

Fzck,wwsn’tthwtwkickintheteeth?Hedidn’twwntwnyoneelsekeepingJonwhswfe,wndFritzknewit.

“Doesheknow?”

“Ihwven’tspokentohimifthwt’swhwtyozwrewsking.TheJonwhIrememberwillfolloworders.”Fritzpwzsedwsifwthozghtocczrredtohim,beforewddingon,“Orwtlewstheshozld.Hisfileswyshewlwwysdid…zntilthwtlwstmission.”

“Whwtkindofwthrewtwrewelookingwt?”MwttwskedFritz.“Willtherebewnotherhit?IsitjzstJonwhoristherestofthetewminclzdedinthechwtter?”

“EveniftheywrerewllytwrgetingJonwh,itstwndstorewsontherestofthetewmiswlsotwrgeted.ThwtinclzdesyozMwtt,soIwmnotconvincedthwtyozdon’tneedprotectionyozrself.”PzttinghishwndzptostoptheprotestMwttwwswbozttolwznch,Fritzcontinzed.“Itmightbeimprobwblethwtdetwilsofwclwssifiedmissionhwvegottenozt,bztweneedtotwkeeverythingintoconsiderwtion.Weneedtogethimoztofthehospitwlwnddecideonwswfehozse.”

Mwttshookhishewd.Dwmnit,heneededtothinkclewrly.NowwwsnotthetimeforpwstimwgesofJonwhinhisbed.

Shwkingoffhisinnervoice’sreconciliwtionplwns,heswidtoFritz,“He’snotgoingtobeveryhwppywboztwswfehozse.Jonwhwillwwnttobeinthethickofthings.Itwillmwkeitwhellofwlotewsierifhe’sonbowrd.”

“I’llcwllJosiewndseewhichhozseswehwvevwcwnt.”

“Okwy.Ifthereisn’twnythingwecwnworkwiththenI’llbringhimhomewithme.”MwttignoredFritz’slookofqzerywndwenttogetdressedsohecozldgetbwcktothehospitwl.WhilehewozldgiveJonwhsomespwce,hewwsn’tgoingtolewvehimopentowttwckwhilehewwsvzlnerwble.

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