Dom's Guide To Submissive Training Vol. 2: 25 Things You Must Know About Your New Sub Before Doing Anything Else. A Must Read For Any DomMaster In A BDSM Relationship (Men's Guide to BDSM) by Elizabeth Cramer

Author:Elizabeth Cramer [Cramer, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Living Plus Healthy Publishing
Published: 2013-09-12T14:00:00+00:00

13. What do you think a Dom/sub relationship involves?

Nothing creates more frustration than misunderstood roles, nothing creates more confusion than two people having a different definition of the same word, and nothing kills a relationship faster than unmet expectations.

Very early in your process you are going to need to understand what your sub thinks the dynamics and roles in your relationship are going to be. There may be a lot of books out there about BDSM but there is no authoritative definition of what the relationship is going to look like, function like or feel like. Every person has their own ideas.

Not only does each sub and Dom have unique expectations about what is going to happen in the relationship, but each also has their set of “right and wrong” they have learned through their experiences in submission. You may encounter a sub who had a Daddy Dom previously and thinks a Dom who doesn’t do a lot of aftercare is being emotionally abusive. This will clash with your methods if you believe a sub should not receive aftercare when she gets a discipline spanking because it is supposed to hurt. Some subs think a Dom must always follow the “hurt but not harm” mantra, and others think a Dom is supposed to challenge you all the way to the edge of your ability.

Deep differences in philosophy can make training extremely difficult and create a chasm of communication in which the intentions of the Dom to structure the relationship are challenged or misunderstood.

If your sub feels a Dom is a protector and teacher she may be shocked if you offer her to another Dom, or expect her to know how to serve without a lot of instruction or help. If you approach a Dom/sub relationship with an emphasis on domestic service, high protocol and absolute obedience you are going to be very frustrated with a sub who likes to brat, play around and doesn’t take her chores or demeanor very seriously.

One of the keys to this question is discovering how your sub feels about the idea of submission as a lifestyle. Subs who believe that the Dom/sub relationship is a lifestyle will expect to be in the role of sub all the time. They want a Master who is “always on” and providing structure, answers, and directions at all times. They will be more likely to give over total control and expect the Master to carry the weight of the relationship on his shoulders. Subs who are session subs don’t expect the Master to rule all the time and aren’t ready to live in a submissive role 24/7. If you approach a session sub with ideas about constant submission, one of you is going to be disappointed.

Take time to listen carefully to her answer to this question and make sure your ideas of what you want to be as a couple are compatible with what she is thinking. Often a Dom may agree to a sub’s ideas of the relationship because he wants her to be his sub and thinks he can change his ideas to accommodate her needs.

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