Diary of an Innocent by Tony Duvert

Author:Tony Duvert [Duvert, Tony]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, pdf
Tags: Fiction, Gay
ISBN: 9781584350774
Google: LVtvSAAACAAJ
Amazon: 1584350776
Publisher: Semiotext
Published: 2010-05-14T14:00:00+00:00

Lying completely naked as I usually do, and immersed in a good book, I distractedly scratch my anus with a large knife from the kitchen that was lying there. I notice a white thread on the point of the blade. I dry it off and, by pricking myself a bit, I collect one or two others, which hang gently from their heads. I understand why my hole itches and swallow some worm powder. Buying this medicine gives me the instant impression of being a father, because they ask me how old the child is; it felt sad to admit that it was just for me.

These worms, whose eggs I may have ingested as I sucked a scamps anus (although my youngsters are very well washed), are nice-looking, amusing, and I could let them live a bit, especially since the poison will make me vomit two nights in a row. But they tickle too much, and if a boy fucks me and collects two or three of these threadlike little guests on his knob as if he’d just fucked the rotten shit of an old corpse, I fear he’d have a bad opinion of me.

Another disgusting ailment I had for a week was an abscess that appeared—I don’t know why—in a lymph node in my groin. It came to a head, lengthened, swelled into an apricot and was very painful. I had trouble walking. Then a movement I made as I sat down squeezed it, making it burst. That explosion provided me with a strange, graceful, pink-and-round pleasure, like an orgasm, but without any waves. The hole was symmetrical, a bit smaller than a cigarette burn, was pierced at the side, almost near my balls; and I would have believed what I saw was coming from a testicle: a brownish puss, followed by creamy white, which flowed out thickly, slowly, calmly and continually, like toothpaste. Later, having my hole, which had lengthened and oozed, I identified with those hermaphrodites in Renaissance medical drawings who exhibit a vulva flanked by male organs at the base of their stomach. I had those organs and that opening, in the exact same positions. Walking back and forth at home, always undressed, the movements of my steps made me feel my vulva, and I’d begin to get hard.

It wasn’t the illusion of having a woman’s genitals that excited me, but the reality of that slit, which because of the defect it created in the crease of my thigh, gave the feeling inside me (in the space of the sore lymph node) of something like the impress, or negative image, of a cock, a new cavity that I found disturbing but welcome, and that doubled my body such as it was, yet didn’t feminize it.

The abscess healed. I also caught scabies several times, but only the first case was bothersome, because I didn’t know what it was. For a month, I scratched myself to the point of drawing blood, and I imagined fleas and bugs everywhere. Infected

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