D iz for Different: One Woman's Journey to Acceptance by Downs Camilla

Author:Downs, Camilla [Downs, Camilla]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780980056815
Publisher: Turning Views
Published: 2013-04-25T18:30:00+00:00

M IS FOR MISTAKES

Thinking we made mistakes invites guilt into the picture. We can’t blame ourselves. Although, that’s exactly what I started to do after Lillian was diagnosed with 18p-. After emerging from denial, I questioned whether or not I had made some sort of mistake before, or during my pregnancy that would have contributed to this diagnosis. Was this my mistake? ...My fault? Thinking we made mistakes invites guilt into the picture too. That’s exactly what happened with me.

I was only able to move forward when I realized that I had no control over this situation. I had to accept the diagnosis for what it was. Then, and only then, was I able to move forward. I needed a clear head to formulate the right questions, understand the answers and evaluate all of the options to make the best decisions possible.

To discontinue the assumptions that our actions, or inaction, are the cause of a situation, we must accept it and know that we cannot, and do not control every situation. Instead of labeling a decision as a mistake, reflect on the situation, and realize how much you have learned from going through this experience. Also realize how much clarity it has brought you. The way we label and view a mistake is a developed habit, and habits can be changed.

As parents to kids with special needs, we are required to make many decisions. Sometimes, these decisions can be serious ones: Do we have that surgery or not? Put her on the medication or don’t? Hold him back for a year, or start him now? Each choice we make will direct the next part of his or her journey. Our child depends on us to make the best decisions and we need to trust that we will.

If we choose to label decisions made as mistakes, it may prevent us from seeing the positive aspects that came from those decisions. Well into the 2011 school year, I realized my expectations of Lillian’s new school were way below what I had imagined. I let it weigh heavily on me for a week or two. Then I began to downward spiral. I beat myself up mentally. I called myself all kinds of rotten names and labeled myself as the “Worst Mom in the World.” My focus was on how much this was not what I expected. Then it dawned on me, this experience was bringing clarity to what Lillian really needed regarding her education, and what would work for me as her parent and educator. How would I have gained this clarity if I had been afraid of making a mistake? At that time, I was connected with an amazing therapy group where Lillian received intense therapies. Had we not enrolled in this school (given it a shot at least), I wouldn’t have connected with this group. What perfect timing! All three therapists (Speech, Occupational and Physical) had back to back openings. How often does that happen? I would have never gained clarity

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