Checked Swing (Espen Emperors #1) by Haven Hadley

Author:Haven Hadley [Hadley, Haven]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Amazon: B097S6935Y
Goodreads: 58410801
Publisher: Haven Hadley Books LLC
Published: 2021-07-07T23:00:00+00:00

18

Spencer

I dropped down onto Evan’s couch. There was no one I could talk to besides Callen, and this didn’t feel like a conversation I should have with him. I needed to wrap my head around everything before talking to him.

“I’m gay,” I said while my eyes stayed trained on the blank television in front of me.

Evan snorted. “You’re not gay.”

“I think I am.”

“If you were gay, I’d know it. I have a perfect score when it comes to detecting gay men. You’re bi.” Shit, I couldn’t ever introduce him to Callen. He’d know right away and then put two and two together.

“I don’t get turned on by anyone—male or female—except…” I had to bite my tongue not to say his name.

“Your mystery man, who you still won’t tell me about because he’s so deep in the closet we’d have to open a portal to another realm to find him?”

“I’m sorry. I hate keeping shit from you.” I did. Truly. Evan was my best friend and trying to hide things from him hurt both of us.

“I know you do. If I hadn’t known you for years, I’d be upset, but you’d tell me if you could. And it’s not up to either of us when someone comes out. Everyone does it in their own time. It can’t be rushed.”

“What if he never comes out?” I voiced one of my fears. My biggest fear. One I’d never tell Callen.

I didn’t want to put pressure on him. I knew how much his career meant to him and to force him out could destroy everything he’d worked for. Not to mention us. But damn, I wanted to take him out to dinner. I wanted to hold his hand in public. I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs that he was mine.

“You have to ask yourself how you feel about that,” Evan said. “Do you love him? Do you see a future with him? Because it may not always be as it is now. Could you spend the rest of your days hiding your relationship?” His first question stuck in my mind. I hadn’t thought about love yet. Yes, I cared deeply for Callen, but love? I’d never been in love before.

“How do you know if you’re in love?”

“I’m not exactly an expert on relationships over here.” Evan had one serious boyfriend five years ago. They were together for two years until Evan found him balls deep in another guy. Since then, it’d been nothing but hookups for Evan. He didn’t want to get hurt again. I couldn’t blame him. “How do you feel when you’re together?” he asked.

“Happy. Cared for. Cherished. I never want to leave his place. I love sleeping in bed with him while he’s wrapped around me. He’s got this commanding presence. I’m helpless when he asks me for something. All I have to hear is the tone of his voice and I’m at his beck and call. And god, the fucking sex. Well, not full-on sex, but blowjobs and hand-jobs and all that.

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