Canopy by Liz Faraim

Author:Liz Faraim [Faraim, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: NineStar Press, LGBTQIA+, Contemporary, romance, crime/thriller, lesbian, polyamory, ex-military, bartender, family drama
Publisher: NineStar Press, LLC
Published: 2020-06-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eighteen

We slowly separated and went into the bedroom to get changed. Me into running gear, and her into her cycling kit. We parted ways in the parking lot. I drove out to the coast to run the bluffs and ridge trails. And she headed out on her road bike to ride the River Road.

Not allowing myself to think about anything at all the entire drive to the trailhead, I focused only on the road. I parked at Goat Rock Beach, snapped on my day pack, and hit the trail. I ran mechanically along the bluff trail, passing a lot of hikers along the way. At Shell Beach, I turned east and started on the Pomo Canyon loop.

I was breathing heavily, my legs were warmed up, and my gait was smoothing out. As the trail began to incline, I allowed myself to start processing. My mind wouldn’t settle on any one thing for more than a few seconds. Flitting around between the conversation with Ang about nonmonogamy, my run-ins with Crystal, and eventually, myself.

*

Myself. My ten-year-old self at a slumber party to celebrate my friend Gina’s eleventh birthday. I’d been the first to arrive since I lived two blocks from her and had ridden my bike over, my stuff neatly folded in a backpack. I helped Gina greet all the other girls as they were dropped off, one by one, by their parents.

Every time we opened the big oak front door, I watched as each kid was given a big hug by their mom or dad, given a quick pep talk about acceptable behavior, and then told to have a good time.

We played games and chatted all afternoon. Following dinner, we had a vanilla birthday cake with chocolate frosting. Afterward we pushed the coffee table out of the way and set up our sleeping bags on the floor in the living room. We all crawled into our sleeping bags and watched a VHS of Lady in White. It was frightening.

At bedtime, Gina’s mom and stepdad both came and told her good night, told her how much they loved her, and hugged her warmly. After lights out, I lay on my back, snug in my sleeping bag, and stared up at the silhouette of the ceiling fan in the darkness.

Hot tears slid silently down my face, pooling in my ears. I was ten, and I couldn’t remember the last time my mother had hugged me. It had never really occurred to me that the sterile environment at home wasn’t normal, because it was my norm.

But that day, seeing parent after parent hug their kids goodbye, even the fact that their parents were present to drop them off, made me so angry and so jealous. Angry at my mom for not being there for me and not giving a shit about me. And hotly jealous at my friends for actually having what I realized I so desperately wanted. I decided I was better off not knowing that my norm sucked so badly.

*

The coastal trail was busy.

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