By the Rules by Elisabeth Staab

Author:Elisabeth Staab [Staab, Elisabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Elisabeth Staab
Published: 2016-01-08T00:00:00+00:00

Hayden

Karma or some fucked-up shit is making history repeat. I get down on the floor and push open AJ’s jeans. I shove up his shirt and press my lips to that line that divides his ab muscles from his thigh—the one that leads straight down to what appears to be a pretty hefty-sized dick for such a lean guy—and then his hand stops mine.

“Wait.”

So much like with Elias that night in Greece. Minus the two drunk girls offering to do the same thing to each other on the next bed. This time I’m a hundred times more disappointed. “I guess I misunderstood. You said you wanted to come back here, I thought you meant—”

“I did. I do. I just… Shit.” AJ slides down the door, sinking to the floor in front of me.

We never turned on the lights in the room, but there’s one in the bathroom that spills a diffused yellow beam onto his face.

“Tell me what you need.” I rock back on my heels, assessing AJ’s rapid breath and the frantic movement of his eyes. If there’s one thing I recognize it’s the sign of impending panic.

I thought I was doing it right this time. That if I could get us past all the thinking to the part where touching each other felt good, then maybe both of us would stop worrying. AJ wouldn’t worry about why he shouldn’t be with me, and I wouldn’t worry about if anybody might have seen me walk into this room.

None of it should matter. None of it does matter. We want each other. I’m sure of that much. So why do we keep stumbling? The thought urges me to my feet. “Am I still pushing too much here? I don’t want to be that guy.”

“No, I’m—” AJ shoves himself upright, still leaning against the door. “No,” he repeats.

I’d consider leaving but he’s blocking my exit. I’ve only had what could possibly be construed as intimate contact with one other guy. I’m way out of my depth.

Looks like we weren’t done negotiating after all. AJ needs something to feel comfortable. The question is, is it something I can give? “I’m going to need some more information here.”

“Look. The thing is, I’m—I’m fucked in the head.” He flops onto the bed. “I don’t—” When AJ turns to face me, his cocky smile is nowhere to be seen. His eyes are wide and pleading.

That look. It makes me want to promise him anything.

“Hey.” I put my hand on his leg. “You’re not comfortable. It’s cool. We don’t have to do anything. We could actually talk, like we said back at the bar.”

AJ’s head bounces on the mattress with a rush of breath. “We could seriously talk.”

I put my forehead against his. “Could we? Talk for real? Not the kind of talking where we insult each other.”

Ah. Hey. I got him to laugh. We’re making progress.

He rubs his forehead. “I just haven’t been with anyone in a while. Not for real. And the only way I know is zero to sixty, you get me?”

I think I do, but the understanding burns as it sinks in.

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