Buddha's Bad Boys by Alan Chin

Author:Alan Chin [Chin, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781626393011
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books
Published: 2015-01-21T00:00:00+00:00

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Philip woke in the night, dreaming of falling bodies, tumbling through silent space with only one place to land. He shot upright, trembling.

Bright air slipped in from the outside through the single window that was like an afterthought, and it washed against the dimness and the smell of stale bedclothes. It touched his body like cool fingers. The sensation brought on that old wild surge, hardening his belly and bringing sweat to his palms.

He was about to lie back down when he heard a muffled cry and knew it must be Tru. For the length of a breath he could have been a teenager again, leaping from his room to Tru’s bedroom. It seemed a flash, but it was real, and when he scooped Tru into his protective arms, it became perfect. Tru, now awake, hugged back, surprising Philip at how natural the connection felt.

He sat on the bed, holding him to his chest, running a calming hand through Tru’s hair. Tru obviously had terrifying dreams as well, and Philip wondered if they were the same as his, of bodies falling, smashing into concrete. He had come to know his son as an intense young soul who wore his sense of failure on his bosom. Like himself, Tru felt that he had been rejected by God and by those who loved him, and for cause.

Tru pulled back. Their eyes locked on each other in the dim light. “Tell me about her.”

Philip knew then what dream Tru had been fighting, and he felt the need to comfort him. His Buddhist vows made him incapable of lying, yet how could he tell Tru his mother was a monster?

Monsters are sometimes born to human parents. Some are horribly misshapen, with huge heads or no arms or legs, or three breasts and no mouth. Unavoidable accidents. But there is another kind of monster, ones who are mentally deformed. In Gayle’s case, her face and body were perfect, yet some twisted gene or malformed egg caused her to have a deformed soul.

Monsters are variations from the accepted normal to a greater or lesser degree. As a child may be born with a cleft lip, so one may be born without kindness or the potential of a conscience. A person with no arm or leg eventually will adjust himself to his lack, but having never developed a conscience or the ability to love, he can’t miss them or even know there is anything amiss. The inner monster has no visible thing to compare with others. They must, surely, assume everyone is as heartless as themselves. To a woman without a conscience, any soul-stricken man must seem as foolish and ridiculous as honesty seems to the criminal. To a monster, what is normal to most human beings is monstrous.

He knew it was true in Gayle’s case, yet what to tell a frightened and disturbed son?

“She was a strong and independent woman who didn’t take shit from anybody.”

“I read your letters. She saved them all. I don’t think she loved you much.

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