Brokenomics by Dina Gachman

Author:Dina Gachman [Gachman, Dina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781580055680
Publisher: Seal Press

12.Twain, Mark. Pudd’nhead Wilson. Charles L. Webster & Compootany, 1894.

31

LA MER IS LA MER

La Mer. Moisturizer to the stars. A miracle cream that transforms your face and ages you backward, giving you the skin of Cate Blanchett or a five-week-old newborn. It was created by a visionary doctor to help your body renew itself, like a space alien or a butterfly bursting out of the cocoon.

For a few years I flipped through magazines showing ads for this mystical beauty product and wondered, “What’s the deal with La Mer?” I knew it was pricy, so instead of running out and buying it, I’d just flip to the next page, where another glossy ad would assault my senses and prey upon my insecurities, leaving me to wonder what the deal was with Ralph Lauren’s “mini Ricky” bag, Viktor & Rolf’s Flowerbomb perfume, or Nivea’s Skin Firming lotion. Every product that claims to zap cellulite and tone your skin turns me into a skeptic. Do they really do what they say they do? And if they did, wouldn’t the world be cellulite free? Wouldn’t we all be throwing ticker tape parades and sashaying through the streets in our underwear if they actually did what they promised? Actually, forget ticker tape parades. We’d just be posting selfies of the backs of our thighs and hashtagging #Nivea #blessed.

The fact that beauty is big business isn’t exactly breaking news, and we all buy into the promise of clear, wrinkle-free skin with diminished pores to one degree or another. If I weren’t careful, beauty products would be my downfall, financially speaking. Give me vanilla-fig lotion and a candle that smells like rhubarb, rain, and Moroccan amber, and I’m in heaven. I’d be bankrupted by things like brown-sugar-and-black-orchid-scented bath salts or whipped-coconut-and-almond body oil if I wasn’t careful. I don’t care about fancy cars or a house with fifteen bathrooms, but I do care about agave-plum lip masks and face mists made of cucumber essence and snow algae. Maybe that’s why I love free samples so much.

La Mer was never on my shopping list, but one day, as I was wandering through Nordstrom getting my beauty fix by inhaling every Jo Malone scent in sight, from Wild Fig & Cassis to Oud & Bergamot to Wild Bluebell, a very nice salesperson told me they were giving out samples of La Mer. “Would you like one?” she asked. As if anyone in her right mind would decline. I’m a skeptic, but I still want to believe that there are miracle creams and potions out there, just like I’d like to believe that there is life on other planets and that they’ll come hang with us soon and teach us how to lower the cost of gasoline and make all the bad stuff go away.

“Yes!” I said to the salesperson. Of course I wanted to try this magical mystery cream that all the stars swore by. They were probably paid to swear by it, but still. I thanked her for the sample and carefully placed the round thimble-sized plastic container into my bag.

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