Brite, Poppy Z [ed] by Love in Vein (v1.0) (html)

Author:Love in Vein (v1.0) (html) [Vein, Love in]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2012-06-28T01:24:50+00:00

December 19, 1889 — A month has passed and I am truly mad for her touch and the lingering smell of her cunt in my beard. My health continues to slide as I do not eat regularly, and I do not take care of what Paul calls my "most basic needs." But worse, I know I am truly mad. None of the colors look right anymore! My palette is a place of confusion and the colors of the oleanders and the rose-colored twilights come no longer to me on canvas. I thought the absence of her would be good for my painting, but I have seen little to cheer me. It occurs to me again that painting and fucking are not compatible. This fucking weakens the brain. If we really want to be potent males in our work, we must sometimes resign ourselves to not fucking much! There are times when my thinking seems to clear, when I do not hear the flies buzzing in my ears, when I can think clear thoughts and plan beautiful canvases. It is at those times that I know that she was bad for me, that her fucking was killing something in me in ways I can never explain. And then I think about this and I know that this also sounds crazy, and that I am probably so sick and so mad that it no longer matters what I think or what I feel.

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