Breaking In by Tyler Schwanke

Author:Tyler Schwanke [Schwanke, Tyler]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-03-28T18:12:12+00:00

2

Eric has to hand it to whoever is in charge of the zombies’ makeup.

Their decayed skin texture is perfection; the rotten teeth so real it’s hard to tell if they’re wearing partial dentures or not. Parts of their cheeks hang down like mud flaps. Some have burn scars, or nails driven into their necks and arms; others have open wounds oozing pus. Their clothes, which range from professional attire to hospital gowns, are torn and covered in blood, puke, and some type of green slime. Some of the undead hold their guts in their hands, and Eric can even spot bone coming out of someone’s clavicle. Excellent production value.

Helicopters and police sirens shriek from speakers around the office. His colleagues follow the orders of Captain Rhodes, ducking behind desks, hiding in doorways. When they fire their laser guns, a hit lights up the zombies’ chest guards, sending them flailing about and falling to the ground.

The suits take refuge in the conference room, flipping the table on its side as a shield.

A hunched-over zombie shuffles up to Eric. He bares his teeth and makes his hands into claws. Eric takes a bite of his bagel and washes it down with coffee.

The zombie stands up straight and looks around. “Did you not get a gun, mate? Apologies. Let me find one for you. I think Larry knows where they are.”

Eric almost chokes; you do not expect zombies to have British accents. “Larry?”

“Uh, yeah. The bloke in the military uniform. Can’t recall his character’s name at the moment.”

“I think it’s Rhodes,” Eric says.

“Rhodes. Right. I should know that.”

The zombie puts out his hand. When they shake, slime oozes between Eric’s fingers. “Sorry,” says the undead Brit. “Embalming fluid. I turned at the very last minute. I’m Kirby, by the way. I’m a day player. Hired this morning.” Kirby eyes the floor. “Not that I should be explaining that to you, or that it makes up for how terrible I am. Shit. I’m totally ruining this for you, aren’t I?”

“You’re fine,” Eric says. “I don’t have a gun because I’m not playing. I’m not really into the whole zombie thing.”

Kirby looks genuinely confused. “You’re not?”

“I had an ex who was obsessed with this crap. He’d drag me to zombie pub crawls and endless zombie movie screenings. I got so sick of it. It’s unbelievable how many there are.”

“It’s like the genre just won’t die.” Kirby shakes his head. “Sorry, bad joke.” It’s hard to tell through the layers of rotten flesh, but it looks like he’s blushing.

“I love bad jokes,” Eric says. “They’re the only ones I tell.” God. Is he actually flirting with this zombie? It’s pretty sad, but it’s the longest conversation he’s had with a guy since he’s been working in Chicago.

“Well, you’re not going to sit by and watch everyone else have all the fun, now are you?” Kirby says. “What’s the harm if you play for a bit?”

Eric pops the last bit of bagel into his mouth and swallows quickly.

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