Break the Silence – A Support Guide for Male Victims of Domestic Abuse by Marks Lee;

Author:Marks, Lee;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
Published: 2021-11-20T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nine

The Impact on and

Use of Children

This for me has been possibly the hardest chapter to write. This is because I have seen first-hand during my work the effects on the children of domestic abuse and also how they have been used as a weapon against male victims. The impact of not being allowed any contact with their children has destroyed the lives of several males that I have worked with and there is definitely a direct link between this issue and suicide.

I want to approach this chapter from both sides, starting with looking at the effects of domestic abuse on children within the home. Domestic abuse forms part of what has historically known as the toxic trio, the others being substance misuse and mental health. Where there is one of these, you can usually find one if not both of the others and the presence of the toxic trio has been found to increase the risk to children within the home.

From my experience of working within domestic abuse, it is a common belief for some that if the abuse does not happen in front of the children, they are not affected by it. The truth is that even though in some cases they may not see it, they will almost certainly be aware of the abuse and it needs to be remembered that it takes on more forms than just physical. Take away the physical aspects and there is still a chance that the children will see injuries caused by incidents, see broken furniture, smashed windows and holes that the perpetrator has put in doors or wall (yes, female perpetrators do this also). Children can also get caught in the crossfire of the incident and end up being hurt or seriously injured trying to protect the abused parent.

One thing that I used to always ask victims that I supported to consider, is that the children may not see what is happening but they can certainly hear it if there is shouting and objects being smashed or broken. I remember a situation where the victim we were assessing said just what I have been describing above, that the children are never present when the incidents were taking place. It was at this point my senses were heightened so to speak as I saw a shadow pass by the kitchen door. I asked if there was anyone else within the house and the victim said that they were alone. After telling them what I had observed, they opened the kitchen door and their 12-year-old son was still in the kitchen and hadn’t gone to school as they thought. After he had left the home, I raised the point with the victim that he hadn’t known that their son was there and could it be a possibility that this could have been the case at times of abuse also?

Any children within the home when there is domestic abuse will be suffering some form of emotional abuse without exception and are considered to be at risk of significant harm.

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