Boundaries by Jessica Aiken-Hall

Author:Jessica Aiken-Hall [Aiken-Hall, Jessica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780999365618
Publisher: Moonlit Madness Press
Published: 2020-06-04T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-One

I rolled over and hugged Tim’s naked body as he slept. We hadn’t talked much last night, just enjoyed each other’s company. There was so much I wanted to tell him and equally as much that I couldn’t. I never felt the need to share my life with anyone before, and now the thought of having to keep secrets tainted me with guilt. There was no way I could tell him what I did. I couldn’t tell anyone.

Panic settled into my chest as I replayed the day before. I wasn’t even sure who that was, surely it wasn't me. But it was. How could hurting someone else feel so good in the moment, and now plague me with fear? I sat up and put on an oversized t-shirt and made my way to the bathroom. I closed and locked the door behind me, I didn't want to risk Tim walking in on me. I turned the shower on and sat in the corner by the door and cried.

Unable to catch my breath, my sobs turned to hyperventilating. Images of Donald's dead body, rotting in his bed, appeared every time I closed my eyes. What if no one ever found him? What if Sonya's mom was the one who did? What if they did find him and knew it was me? What if he wasn’t dead? What if I lost my job? Or they sent me to jail? What about Gabriel? Who would take care of him? What if my Gabriel comes looking for me, and he found out his mom was in jail?

The endless thoughts swirled around my head. Each possible scenario played and replayed. There was no way Tim would love me if he found out. No way anyone could. I stood up and made my way to the toilet in time to raise the lid and throw up the contents of my stomach.

Breathe Val. I took a deep breath to try and gain control over the emotions that were drowning me. He was a monster. You did what you had to. Think about the children you saved. You did the right thing. As the thoughts changed, the power returned. This was for Sonya, and for all the other young girls he violated. Monster didn’t even begin to describe him. I took one last deep breath and turned off the shower. I picked up the mouthwash and swished the taste of vomit out of my mouth. The actions from the day before were released, and the feeling of guilt left with them. Some secrets were necessary.

When I returned to the bedroom, Tim was still asleep. I took the t-shirt off and snuggled up next to him and placed my head on his chest. Feeling his breathing under me brought the calmness I needed to focus on. I wouldn't let any more time pass without living the life I deserved. If I learned anything yesterday, it was that I had the power to take a situation I didn't like and change it to be what I wanted.

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