Board Stiff by Piers Anthony

Author:Piers Anthony [Anthony, Piers]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fantasy, Humour, Science Fiction
ISBN: 9781504005548
Google: S4qmAwAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1504005546
Barnesnoble: 1504005546
Goodreads: 17239242
Publisher: Open Road Media
Published: 2013-09-26T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10:

Troll

They found themselves back in Xanth—they could tell by the colors—but in a thick fog. Really thick. It was uncomfortable even to breathe the dense air.

“What is this?” Mitch asked.

“A pea-soup fog,” Pewter answered. “So we know that puns remain viable here.”

“Yuck!” Tiara said. “It’s making my dress stick to me.”

“Mine too,” Astrid said. “I prefer eating pea soup to bathing in it.”

“We shall simply have to walk until we are out of it,” Pewter said.

“Walk where?” Mitch asked. “I see no path.”

“I don’t see much of anything,” Ease said, rubbing his eyes.

“Downhill,” Tiara said. “Where maybe there’s a river or pond. We’ll need to wash it off.”

“I’m outa here,” Tiara’s hair said. “I hate pea soup.” But if her departure freed Tiara’s hair, there was no sign of it in the thick fog.

They made their way cautiously downhill, able to see only an arms-reach ahead. They seemed to be in a trackless jungle, the vegetation filling every crevice. They kept having to back off and try for another avenue through the tangle, getting dirtier as they went.

This wasn’t getting them anywhere. Kandy thought of an unlikely way to handle it. She sent the thought to Ease.

“How about an idea, Mitch,” Ease suggested.

“Idea?”

“Send it to the fog: it’s got business elsewhere.”

Mitch paused, considering. “It’s inanimate, but if it is messing us up on purpose, it’s got a mind. I’ll try.” He concentrated.

The fog abruptly lifted and floated off for parts unknown.

“It worked!” Tiara exclaimed.

“It did, didn’t it,” Mitch agreed. “You’re a genius, Ease.” But of course he knew the real origin of the thought.

Now, able to see farther than they could reach, they made better progress. Soon they found a stream meandering through the thicket. It paused when it saw them, then resumed its flow.

“Don’t touch it until we know it’s safe,” Mitch warned.

A young rabbit hopped up. “Hi, folk!” it called. “I’m a bun—the lowest form of rabbit.” Then it hopped into the water with a splash, and out the other side.

“The water’s safe,” Tiara said. “It didn’t hurt that bunny.”

“True,” Mitch agreed. Then he saw something else. “What is that?”

The others looked. It was a dead tree, with clothing piled at its base. “A deceased fur tree,” Pewter said. “It shed its furs when it died.”

“Isn’t that a pun? A fur tree with furs?”

“True. Probably an Aqua Fur, considering where it is growing.” Then Pewter paused. “The virus!”

“Set up your firewall!”

Pewter did, and there was the faint crackling as it got established.

“But the virus didn’t take out the punny rabbit,” Tiara said.

“This tree is evidence that the virus is in the vicinity, however,” Mitch said. “It may be thin as yet, catching some things and not others. Pewter has to maintain the firewall.”

“Meanwhile we need to wash off the dirt and caked pea soup,” Tiara said. “But how can we separate, if we have to stay within the firewall?”

“I suggest that we declare an Adult Conspiracy truce,” Astrid said. “We’re all adults anyway. We will ignore each other’s exposed bodies until we can get clothed again.

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