Bluebeard's First Wife by Seong-nan Ha

Author:Seong-nan Ha
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Letter
Published: 2020-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

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When I didn’t get my period, I recalled the night I had spent with my fiancé. We were getting married next March. Getting pregnant before the wedding wasn’t something I had planned, but there was no need to worry, since we were engaged. After all, plans always change. Though I had intended to work for a while after getting married, I wouldn’t be able to continue once I started to show; there were many girls vying for my position as the CEO’s receptionist.

As always, my fiancé and I talked on the phone and watched late-night movies on the weekends. I sometimes asked after his friends I had met on his birthday, but he only gave halfhearted answers.

For some reason, I didn’t tell him about the pregnancy. One day I changed into my work clothes and my skirt felt tight around my waist. I headed toward the school where he worked and called him. I waited at a café from where I could see the school entrance. Girls in uniform poured out of the gates. The local bus that headed to the subway station came and went, loading students and carrying them away. My fiancé cut across the school yard slowly, his hands shoved inside his pants pockets. Every time students bowed to him, he acknowledged them with a slight nod. I sat by the large window and watched him step through the gates, cross the street, and push open the café door.

He ordered coffee and I ordered a citron tea. I normally didn’t drink citron tea. I was hoping he would notice, but he was preoccupied with stirring sugar and cream into his coffee. His thumb and forefinger that gripped the teaspoon were stained with white and red chalk dust.

“I think I have to quit soon.” I said.

“It’s hard to find a job like that. You know it isn’t easy making a living.”

He seemed exhausted. He was scruffy around the mouth, as if he hadn’t shaved. He continued, “One of my students ran away from home. I couldn’t teach all afternoon because I had to go look for her. I’ll probably have to look for her tonight. Shit.”

“There was something on TV recently, about where kids like that go. I forget the name now. It’s cold outside, make sure you dress warm.”

“You already gave your notice?”

“No, not yet. The thing is … I’m pregnant. I think it was that night. On your birthday.”

He’d been gazing out the window, but I saw his face stiffen. Seeing his reaction, I couldn’t help feeling anxious.

“If it’s because of work, don’t worry. I’ll look for another job. There must be some part-time work I could do from home.”

“It’s not mine.”

His gaze was still fixed on some point outside the window.

“What are you talking about? You lay down beside me and then touched me. Were you so drunk you can’t even remember?”

He sipped his coffee. He then put down the cup and gave a wry laugh. “Sure, I was lying beside you at first. But in the middle of the night, I had to go to the bathroom.

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