Big Foot Stole My Wife by Joan Hess

Author:Joan Hess
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
Published: 2016-04-12T04:00:00+00:00

The Cremains of the Day

Eloise Bainbury realized it was far too early in the day for sherry, much less gin, but there she was, composed but a bit teary, wringing her hands and staring numbly at the Louis XVI armoire that had been refitted as a liquor cabinet. Her hands shook, but somehow she managed to fill the glass without splattering her wool skirt. How foolishly she was behaving, she thought with a sigh. This was not the first time he’d stayed out all night, prowling the streets and eventually sauntering home as if he’d spent the night in a church waxing the pews. She knew better.

She was standing at the kitchen window when her attorney, Milton Carruthers, called with the bad news. It came in installments, as always, and never in the trite good news–bad news format.

“I’m sorry about this, Eloise,” he began nervously. “The accountant’s gone over all the tax returns. He said there were some questionable deductions but nothing we can use in court. I warned you that it would be a waste of money.”

“So instead of facing his responsibility to me, Justin will go on with his sumptuous lifestyle while I try to find a job in a department store or fast-food establishment? I’m fifty-seven, Milt—not twenty-seven like that tramp he intends to marry as soon as the divorce is final.” Eloise took an unladylike gulp of gin, shuddered, and continued in a slightly raspier voice. “You know as well as I that Justin has stashed money in other accounts across the country. Can’t you just make him tell you? What about the judge?”

“Oh, Eloise,” Milt said in such a tortured voice that she could easily imagine his face screwing up like a dried apricot. “We’ve been over this time and again. As long as Justin denies the accounts exist and we can’t prove that they do, our hands are tied. His attorney dropped off another proposal for the property settlement. It’s closer to what we asked for initially, although hardly a capitulation. Why don’t you schedule an appointment with my secretary for this afternoon and we’ll review it?”

“I suppose so,” she said without enthusiasm.

“There’s something else I have to tell you. The judge signed a restraining order this morning. If you continue to harass Justin at his house or place of business, you’ll be subject to contempt charges. I promise you that the amenities at the jail are not up to your standards.”

Eloise sniffed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have never harassed Justin at any place or time since he moved out three months ago. Why, even when he was staying at the tramp’s apartment, I never so much as made a crank call.”

Despite her frigid tone, she was smiling at what she imagined Milt’s expression to be as he floundered for a tactful response. Men, she thought, were like agitated guppies when it came to civilized discourse. “Don’t you believe me?” she added.

“You had all of the girl’s mail forwarded to Azerbaijan.

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