Big Bad Detective Agency by Bruce Hale

Author:Bruce Hale
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2014-03-21T16:00:00+00:00

Captain Kreplach marched up the walkway with two tall guards at his heels. “Unhand her!” he cried. Wolfgang and Ferkel released Goldilocks, who promptly swatted them with her basket.

“It’s not what it looks like,” said Wolfgang.

“I’ll be the judge of that, madam,” snapped Captain Kreplach. He stopped and squinted suspiciously. “Hang on. Don’t I know you?”

The wolf brought a paw up to his muzzle and avoided the captain’s eyes. “No,” he squeaked. “Never had the pleasure.”

Kreplach pulled on his mustache. “I never forgets a face, ’specially one as unfortunate as yours. No offense, madam.”

“None taken,” trilled Wolfgang. “It’s all a simple misunderstanding.” Head down, he tried to slip around the guards.

“Stop him!” cried Goldilocks.

The two soldiers blocked Wolfgang’s retreat.

“ ‘Him’?” Captain Kreplach repeated, peering at the wolf’s face. “Don’t you mean —?” His jaw dropped. “Strike me silly. Is that … the Big Bad Wolf?”

“Don’t call me that!” barked the wolf.

The captain snorted a laugh. “Wolfgang? All dressed up like a granny? Ha! Now I’ve seen everything.”

The guards chuckled and nudged each other.

Wolfgang scowled. If he hadn’t been so furry, he would’ve blushed redder than a sunset. “All right now,” he said. “It’s not that funny.”

The older guard cackled. “The roughest bruiser in the — ha! ha! ha! — forest. And he’s wearing — hee, hee! — makeup!”

“That’s enough,” growled Wolfgang.

“And not very well, either,” said the second guard. “Maybe he should get makeup tips from Snow White!” They broke into gales of laughter.

The wolf glowered at Ferkel. “This is all your fault.”

The pig shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Hey!” cried Goldilocks. “This freak and his pet porker attack me, and all you do is laugh?”

Captain Kreplach and his guards made an effort to simmer down.

“Right, then,” he said. “Tell us what happened, miss.”

Goldilocks elbowed Ferkel aside. “I was just minding my own business, picking apples, see?” she said. “Of course you need to make sure they’re not too big, not too small; not too ripe, not too unripe; not too tart, not too —”

“Yeah, yeah, just right,” said the captain, who knew of Goldie’s reputation. “Go on.”

“I was returning to the house, when these two wackos started asking questions. When I tried to go, they attacked me.” She glared at Wolfgang.

“Not true!” said the wolf.

“You did ask some weird questions,” said Goldilocks.

“I was only trying to find out who trashed the Three Pigs’ houses,” he said, appealing to the captain.

Goldie put a hand on her hip, eyes narrowing. “And you thought I did it?”

“You are a notorious housebreaker,” said Wolfgang.

She whacked him with her basket again, sending apples flying. “Take that back, you weirdo wolf!”

“Here now, miss!” said the captain. “Settle down.”

“You see?” said Wolfgang. “Rude and uncooperative. Guilty for sure!”

Captain Kreplach frowned. “You — first off, lose that cap. It’s creepy.”

The wolf growled, but he whipped off the cap and wiped off his makeup with it.

“Now, Miss Goldie,” said the captain. “If you’ll just answer a simple question, we can all be on our way.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

Ferkel cut in. “Where were you last night between sunset and midnight?”

“Button it.

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