Before We Were Blue by E.J. Schwartz

Author:E.J. Schwartz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: YOUNG ADULT FICTION / Social Themes / Eating Disorders & Body Image / Social Themes / Friendship / LGBT
Publisher: North Star Editions
Published: 2021-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

14

Rowan

I’ve had a lot of bad things happen in my life, like the time a bird crapped on my head when I was seven and again when I was nine, the second time right on my forehead so when the shit hit, it dribbled down into my mouth and my tongue tasted like bitter grains for weeks. But watching you jump in your mother’s and father’s arms, and zoom off without even a quick peek over your shoulder . . . it tastes a lot shittier than that.

It’s Thanksgiving, the fake B.S. holiday where I’m supposed to be thankful for something—anything—whether it be the RR roof over our heads or the nurses for their hard work. I don’t know. When it’s my turn at the dinner table, I say, “Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own.” The other girls give me confused I’m not well-read looks, and we move on.

We do all the generic crap: turkey and gravy and an extra phone call to our families.

“I’m thankful for being here,” says Sophie, and you should see how sincere she is. It’s nuts.

“So, what else does your family do?” Donna asks her after we’ve gone full circle, the three of us picking at our turkey. Ever since she found out Sophie’s family is crazy superstitious, Donna can’t stop asking questions. Do you ever walk under a ladder to piss off your parents? What about the whole “black cats” thing? Salt over the shoulder?

“Do you hold your breath when you pass graveyards?” she asks, taking a slice of cherry pie.

“No, but if we see three red cars in a parking lot, we sign the cross.” She does it on herself. Forehead, chest, shoulder, shoulder.

I ignore both of them, staring at the slice of pie I can’t Chew and Spit.

Fuck this, I think. Fuck this whole fucking program. I wish I had a lighter. Then I could burn the whole place to the ground. Tear it down like they’re doing with me.

Donna and Sophie get dismissed after their plates are cleared and they don’t wait for me like you would. My plate is still filled with turkey and pie I refuse to eat. Robinson waits. They’ve left me with zero control, but this, at least, I can choose.

“Why don’t you just force-feed me?” I ask Robinson. We’re the only two left in the kitchen now and I can’t help my attitude. This place sucks in general, but it’s pointless without you, Shosh.

Robinson eyes the slice, thinking of cramming it down my throat and suffocating me, I’m sure. If Kelly were here, she’d give me extra time. She’d offer a substitute food. Robinson is a Hart wannabe.

“Haven’t you heard of people who just don’t like to eat?”

Robinson frowns. She’s skinny-ish—to the point I bet she doesn’t eat much either.

“You know,” she says, “with decisions being made tomorrow and Shoshana coming back in a couple of days, I thought you’d be more motivated this week.”

I bore my eyes into hers because she’s being smart for once.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.