An American in London by G. A. Hauser

Author:G. A. Hauser
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The G. A. Hauser Collection
Published: 2023-04-21T00:00:00+00:00

Thankfully, Mrs. Wormley was too lazy to cook, and Mr. Wormley was assigned to go out and get some take-out food.

With the menu of Chinese food at hand, Alan felt more at ease. Their family back home ate more Chinese food, than Indian. He tried to find his usual favorites. Settling for garlic pawns when his sweet and sour ones were missing from the list, Alan sat down in the living room as the rain battered the double-paned windows and poor Mr. Wormley left into the torrent with his list of food.

The television news station reporting in the background, Kris took his turn in the shower while Mrs. Wormley smoked a fag out in the back garden.

Alan found the newspaper and flipped through it idly. When a photo of a naked woman appeared on page three, he jumped out of his skin. “Holy shit!”

Checking the front cover again to see if he had mistakenly located a pornographic edition, Alan read the front page and it showed no indication it was anything other than a regular newspaper. Turning back to it again, he shook his head in absolute astonishment, then moved on to the articles. He wondered if there were naked man photos, but doubted it.

The more he scanned the newspaper headlines the more confused he became. Coming to the conclusion that it must be some gossip rag like the few far-fetched ones he’d seen on newsstands in supermarkets in the U.S., he laughed at how pathetic the news coverage was.

It was all about Big Brother residents, Pop Idol contestants, close-ups of flabby celebrities, who’s cheating, marrying, and leaving whom in Hollywood, and the smallest columns of news items he’d ever seen. All that was missing was a sighting of Elvis on a UFO.

Turning the page once more, a large photo of Prince Harry in a Nazi uniform emblazoned the newsprint. Reading the article in disbelief, Alan shook his head in awe at the stupidity of the kid who was supposed to be a royal prince. “Sick. What an idiot.”

Hearing Mrs. Wormley come back into the house, Alan quickly folded it up and tossed it on a pile on a side table as if he was peeking at a Playboy.

Pretending his focus was on the news, which ironically couldn’t say enough about his president, what the U.S. economy was doing, the American’s point of view on the war as it contrasted to the Europeans, and how victims of burglaries were being prosecuted for protecting themselves in their own home.

“Can I get you a beer or a glass of wine, Alan?”

“No, thanks, Mrs. Wormley.”

“I’m having a glass of wine. Can I get you a small glass?”

“No. I’m all right.”

“Anything? A lemonade? Some orange juice?”

“Nothing. Thanks.”

She sat down daintily and set her wine glass on the coffee table in front of her. “Are you watching this?”

“No. You can change it.” He handed her the remote control.

“On the weekend there’re some home shows and travel shows I like to watch.”

He shrugged and imagined having the courage to get up and go lie down until Kris was out of the shower.

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