American Rhapsody by Joe Eszterhas

Author:Joe Eszterhas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780375412523
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2001-01-15T16:00:00+00:00

. . .

I was enraged. I had to stop this somehow. I had to soothe her, stop her from telling anyone else. I invited her down to the Oval Office again. I told her it was illegal to threaten the president of the United States. She said that I’d done nothing to help her find a job. She started to cry. I hugged her. I stroked her arm. I played with her hair. I kissed her on the neck. I told her how smart and beautiful she was. I told her how skinny she looked. I clenched my jaw a couple times. I let my eyes well up. I aced it. She wasn’t going to tell her father or anyone else. It was under control. When she left, the moron was convinced I was in love with her.

When she called to tell me she’d decided to work in New York, it was music to my ears. New York would be easy. New York would get her away from Washington. New York would get her away from me. I’d get her a job at the UN through Bill Richardson. Bill’s cool. He doesn’t ask questions; he knows the score. It was done. She met with Bill. She went to New York. And then the spoiled, pampered bitch came back and said she didn’t want to work at the UN. Because of the Arabs! I couldn’t believe it! She wanted to work in the private sector. She wanted me to find her a job in the private sector!

Well, la-dee-fucking-dah! I’m the president of the United States, and now I was assigned by a piece of cake to find her not a government job but some job where her damn employer would be doing the president of the United States a favor to hire her. She told me that I owed it to her. Because she’d been transferred out of the White House as a result of her “friendship” with me. Because I said I’d help her find a job and so far I hadn’t found her one. Because she’d left the White House “quietly” and hadn’t told anyone she had lost her job thanks to me.

In other words, it was all my fault and I owed it to her to make it right and find her a job. Not just any job, because the UN job wasn’t good enough. But some private-sector job that Miss Hoity-Toity Blow Job Cabinet Member considered acceptable. That, of course, meant money. A salary, probably in six figures, that mommy and her new sugar daddy approved of. I . . . wished . . . she’d . . . just . . . fuck off and die!

I put Vernon on it. Vernon was on the board of so many companies, he could find something. Vernon was in the process of hunting a job for her when she was subpoenaed in the Paula Jones case. She really had me now. The bitch! The miserable babbling bitch! If she told the truth, it would be all over.

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