A Family Outing by Ruby Remenda Swanson

Author:Ruby Remenda Swanson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cormorant Books
Published: 2016-11-18T00:00:00+00:00

PHONE CALLS

My pflag contact information on websites and in publications clearly instructed callers to contact me after six p.m. But the time-of-day restriction was usually overlooked. They called during the day and often spoke with Leonard. Most callers wanted to talk and have their experience validated. Usually many people immediately felt better, and some wanted to know more about the monthly meetings. But more than half the callers felt best having anonymous telephone conversations and wanted to avoid a group setting. Some people wanted information on resources in the community. People eventually found the types of support that worked best for them. What had worked best for me were the times I could sit in a room with other parents whose experiences I could relate to, the telephone conversations with Gerry, and my meetings with Kris.

A fifty-six-year-old man called and launched into an explanation of how he had just come out to himself. I could tell this wasn’t going to be the usual pflag call. He told me that he and his wife had moved to Alberta from the US in the seventies and were now living in a small town where he sold cars. He admitted that he had been homophobic, but that after thirty years of marriage had an experience while on a road trip to Arizona. He started telling me about meeting someone in a bar who offered him a back rub for his stiff neck and shoulders. I cut him off — this was a lot of detail. I asked if he knew I was a parent of a gay child and not gay myself. He said he did, but wanted to tell his story, then explained that he and the man had sex and that for the first time in his life he felt complete. I was in tears again.

He asked if I knew of a gay men’s group where he could go to meet other men his age. He wasn’t interested in the bar scene — he was looking for a mature relationship. I told him I would call a few people to see if I could find information for him. Eventually I was able to put him in touch with Prime Timers, a gay men’s social club that met once a month to go out to dinner, concerts, plays, and movies. I felt like I was running Ruby’s Dating Service. We had several telephone conversations over the next few weeks. One conversation was particularly challenging because he was taking care of his grandchildren, who were constantly interrupt-ing. He was desperate to talk and the kids wanted a snack. Before learning I had a gay son, I never would have thought I’d be researching social groups for middle-aged gay men, but from the first conversation I had with this man I felt I needed to do something for him. I’m glad he called and glad I could help.

A woman called from Calgary on a Saturday afternoon saying she only had a few minutes to talk.

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